Bears know how to judge Grossman

The current pot bubbleth with Bear meat:

•  •  The main Super Bowl story line is that Bears quarterback Rex Grossman is to Colts quarterback Peyton Manning as a head louse is to a halo.

This amuses many Bears.

Particularly wide receiver Rashied Davis, whose game-breaking link-ups with Grossman are things of beauty.

''I mean, he wins games for us,'' Davis said. ''I don't know how you win games for us when you're the worst quarterback in the history of the world.''

•  •  If anyone wants a snapshot of the hypocrisy of big-time college football -- a sport played under not-for-profit guidelines with unpaid labor -- look at this:

New Alabama coach Nick Saban makes three times as much as the for-profit, possibly-world-champion Bears coach, Lovie Smith.

•  •  Did anyone else notice last Sunday vs. the Saints that Bears middle linebacker Brian Urlacher actually lined up for one play as -- serious here -- a cornerback?

No. 54 followed his keys and before the ball was snapped he was alone in a crouched position on the far right side in the Bears secondary.

''Yeah, I remember that,'' said Bears dinky and authentic cornerback Nate Vasher, who has never lined up as middle linebacker. ''Unbelievable, huh?''

Is the old scribe missing something here?

''No, that's him,'' Vasher said. ''That's Brian. Doing above and beyond what he's supposed to do in this defense.''

A 258-pound cornerback. It makes one woozy.

''The safety could have gone over there,'' Vasher continues. ''But if Brian wants to go out and line up at corner, let him line up at corner. I know what he's like in pass coverage. I think we were in man coverage. I think one of the safeties was supposed to adjust out. But Brian went out there. We have an athletic team.''

Ya think?

•  •  The radio station in Sacramento, Calif., that held the water-drinking contest two weeks ago, which proved fatal for a 28-year-old female contestant, has been sued for negligence along with dozens of its employees.

It really is a tragic occurrence.

But it shows people don't have much of a clue about water.

There have been water poisoning deaths before.

And there have been many sports deaths from dehydration.

But few people know how heavy water is: 8.35 pounds per gallon.

The woman who died in the radio contest, Jennifer Strange (like the others, she was hoping to win a videogame console), chugged almost two gallons, nearly 16 pounds.

Skinny athletes have long known the value, if not the danger, of water loading before weigh-ins.

In high school one time I went from 159 to 168 pounds in a matter of minutes.

Didn't drown, didn't stop peeing for hours.

Still, how long until we get a skull and crossbones on a bottle of Dasani?

•  •  Washington Wizards scorer Gilbert Arenas says on his NBA.com blog he'd ''give up one NBA season to play against Duke.''

Arenas was cut last year from the Team USA squad by Duke and national team coach Mike Krzyzewski.

No. 0 would like a little payback for Coach K and his saintly program. (By the way, did it bother anyone that the Duke scoreboard operator cheated Clemson out of a chance at overtime Thursday by not starting the clock?)

Arenas says give him just one game against the Dookies, and he'll lay ''84 or 85 points'' on their sorry butts.

I'd be there cheering him on. Evil against good. Or vice versa. Wouldn't you?

•  •  Ask Urlacher, who will be standing a few feet away from Peyton Manning and facing him like a lip-reader during the Super Bowl, if he'll try to outfox the hyperactive, ever-barking quarterback.

''No, I'm not going to get into that,'' he says. ''You start listening to all that and you start losing your keys, not paying attention to what you're supposed to be doing. He knows what we're doing probably before we're doing it. When you check, he checks, if you check back, he checks back, you're probably not going to fool the guy.''

Still, wouldn't it be fun to try?

How thrilling would it be to see Urlacher exactly mimic Manning's gyrations?

Make the Colts leader think he's looking in a funhouse mirror.

•  •  Got a new golf hero.

His name is Tadd Fujikawa, from Hawaii, a 16-year-old high school kid who became the youngest player in half a century to make a PGA cut, at the recent Sony Open in Honolulu.

Young Tadd is just a wee tad, only 5-1, but he shot a 5-under 275 and finished tied for 20th, ahead of such big studs as Vijay Singh and John Daly.

And ahead of fellow Hawaiian Michelle Wie, who didn't make the cut, but stands a foot taller.

•  •  I had to ask Urlacher this: Do you like being the perceived underdog (by the national media and line-setters) in this big game?

''Guaranteed,'' he replied with a nod. ''We've been that way, for the most part, all year long. Why should it change now? We're in the lesser conference, according to people. That's the role we played all year long.''

With 15 wins? Uh, not really.

Still, it's funny that about 95 percent of NFL teams say they're the underdogs, revel in being the underdogs, because nobody believes in them, everybody's against them, blah, blah. The thought occurs that teams need enemies and barriers and doubters, even if they have to create them themselves.

Urlacher corroborates the thesis.

''Even if we weren't underdogs,'' he says, ''I think we'd still think we were, because we play better in that role.''

Like the philosopher Yogi Berra said: Half the game is 90 percent mental.

More or less.

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