More like Super Boring!

Perhaps Super Bowl Sunday is known only as Feb. 4 to you.

The past two weeks of pregame buzz have been just that - white noise hissing in your ear. You are mildly annoyed at all the people crowding the snack aisle when all you want to do is restock your office stash.

It's not that you're a party pooper. You just couldn't care less about this football game.

So instead of hunkering down to watch the Bears this evening like 1 billion other people in the world, consider the following alternate activities.

1. Go shopping during the first quarter. The stores will be deserted.

2. Claim the biggest TV in the house to watch "Bridget Jones's Diary" for the millionth time. Match Bridget drink for drink.

3. Schedule your own pregame show to begin hours before kickoff. If "Bridget Jones" is your main event, try "Pride and Prejudice" - the five-hour BBC version starring Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. Postgame, analyze the similarities and differences.

4. Deliberately wear Colts blue and white. Feign ignorance of this color choice as anything but a fashionable contrast to all that orange and navy on the people around you.

5. Cite personal statistics and debate their merits with others. Example: "My kid potty trained before turning 3 years old. What are his prospects for starting preschool early?"

6. Vacuum the living room while the game's on. Turn the vacuum off just in time for the commercials.

7. Declare your allegiance to Valentine's Day with face paint, stocking caps, sweatshirts, yard signs, mailbox banners and vehicle decals. Hearts and the color pink must be prominently displayed to make it clear you are loyal to this and no other holiday.

8. For the halftime show, forget Prince. Pop in the tape of your high-school drama department's presentation of "Oklahoma!"

9. File your taxes online. When you find a deduction, stand up and yell, "YESSSSSSSSSSS!" Fist-pumping is optional but encouraged.

10. Insist on drinking at the local sports bar. Then loudly complain, "Is anything else on?"

Contact Katie Foutz at kfoutz@scn1.com or 630-416-5216.