In lieu of flowers, win the game
It was signed: ''With respect and admiration, Dan Grossman.''
That would be the father of the quarterback, the maligned and irritated Rex, and when I contacted the hotel operator to make sure it wasn't some hoax, she informed me that Dan Grossman was staying in the hotel and indeed had sent me a floral bouquet. Dutifully, I sent a return note thanking Dr. Grossman, the ophthalmologist, for not knocking on my door and burning my retinas with blowtorches. After a quick check to make sure poison ivy wasn't in the batch, I reflected on an insane season in which I'd personally coined the Good Rex/Bad Rex paradox, compared his passer rating to John Belushi's ''Animal House'' grade-point average, pushed for Brian Griese on two occasions and openly questioned whether he could be trusted after the Green Bay debacle. I concluded Dan was a classy guy, assuming he wasn't tweaking me with the kind of bone-dry sarcasm that might accompany a longtime friend of Bob Knight.
Unfortunately, hours earlier, his son had pulled the news-conference equivalent of lining up behind the left tackle instead of the center. While dad was extending an olive branch, Rex was making enemies in the media -- or, at the very least, driving up the Super Bowl scrutiny meter more notches -- by referring to his critics as ''ignorant.'' Now why did he have to go and place more pressure on himself when he already carries the game's biggest burden? I'm not going to call Grossman a whiny lad who suffers from amnesia about his blunderous performances, not when others already have said as much. Check out America Online's news quiz asking readers to name the week's biggest baby:
(a) Kevin Federline.
(b) A 14.5-pound boy born in Mexico.
(c) Rex Grossman.
''To me, you're just trying to sell papers,'' said Grossman, dissecting media coverage for the third straight day. ''It's frustrating when some of you guys don't put too much thought into it and you're just trying to go off the fans' reaction or you don't know much about what we're doing on offense. Just realizing how ignorant some of you guys are -- and I don't mean that necessarily in a bad way. I mean, like, just understanding that you may not be correct and accepting that fact and not paying attention to it much.''
The '85 legends, the media, the Pope ... anyone not rooting against the Bears?
First of all, Grossman should know we're not trying to ''sell papers.'' Newspapers sell or don't sell regardless of how well or poorly the quarterback is playing. You just aren't that vital to the world condition, Rex. What we're doing is trying to be honest with fans who wonder, obviously, how a quarterback can throw four touchdown passes one week and commit four turnovers the next. And if Lovie Smith admittedly was ready to yank Grossman if he played a lousy first half in St. Louis, then the issue wasn't overblown.
Seems Rex and Lovie are miffed that they haven't brainwashed the national media into believing Grossman is an All-Pro-in-waiting. People beyond Halas Hall actually have their own eyes and perceptions of quarterbacking play, and, truth be known, they, too, are perplexed by his crazy fluctuations. You can't turn him into a consistently stellar performer by force-feeding the thought into everyone's brain. He will have to prove himself over time, starting Sunday in what looks like a mismatch against the prolific, Hall of Fame-bound Peyton Manning.
It's fine for a city to rally around Rex. He's an appealing underdog in this situation, the polar opposite of a superstar born with a silver clipboard. But Grossman and the Bears should know he's not being picked on. No, he's being analyzed fairly as the quarterback of a team worthy of a championship. If I understand that he's 26 and sick of waking up every day and hearing all questions about his erratic ways, it's stunning that Smith spent much of the week getting huffy about the same topic. Is Lovie buckling under the heat? Someone asked a pertinent question: Would the coach, under any circumstance, consider changing QBs?
''Rex Grossman shouldn't be asked that question. I shouldn't be asked that question,'' he snapped. ''Rex is our quarterback. I shouldn't have to continue to go over that. No, I'm not planning on pulling Brian Urlacher or Olin Kreutz, either.''
Last I looked, Grossman wasn't in the same solar system as those players. Having caused another stir with his ''ignorant'' comment, he has placed himself at a career crossroads at an early age. Play well -- or have the global ignorami throw the word back in his face.
''I've actually gotten a couple of calls from those guys -- Dent and Otis [Wilson],'' he said. ''They're nice. They want us to win. I think.''
He thinks? ''I guess when you've lived on it for as long as they have, you have a different perspective on [enjoying someone else's success],'' he told the magazine. ''They kind of run s--- in that city, and they probably like it that way.''
Like Grossman, I would urge Urlacher to play the game of his life and hoist a trophy. You can't run your mouth and then choke on the exhaust when the world is watching.
Even Rex's father would agree with that.
Jay Mariotti is a regular on ''Around the Horn'' at 4 p.m. on ESPN. Send e-mail to inbox@suntimes.com with name, hometown and daytime phone number. (Letters run Sunday.)