Bears might need Rexorcist

Folks, we have reached Bizarro World. Remember that Superman realm where everything was backward, inverted or plain crazy?

Hello, Chicago.

The Bears put together one of the worst offensive showings in team history, and they drubbed the Minnesota Vikings 23-13.

Rex Grossman was so inept at passing the ball that the Bears would've been better off never attempting a pass, yet they clinched the NFC North Division title.

Serious about not passing.

Rex dropped back to throw 20 times, completed six passes, was sacked once and netted 24 yards.

The Vikings intercepted three of those passes and prevented the Bears from getting at least one easy field-goal attempt.

''There are a lot of great things about our offense,'' Grossman said. ''Right now, the passing game isn't one of them.''

You expected a rimshot after the gag. But all that lingered was stifled chortling over Grossman's 1.3 passer rating for the game, up from a halftime rating of zero. No one, no matter how bad, can get a minus.

The truth is the Bears would've been better off running the single wing with Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson both in the backfield and former Oklahoma prep high-jump and long-jump champ Mark Bradley taking shotgun snaps from center.

It's mind-boggling that a team could gain a mere 107 yards as the Bears did, yet smoke a foe that gained 348 yards. But we're in oddball world, remember?

And as the Bears' opportunistic defense and special teams seem more and more capable of winning games all by themselves, it's hard not to see Grossman as a little be-mittened kid stuck in the middle of a pack of teenage toboggan riders flying downhill, brought along by his big brother because Mom demanded it.

And who is Mom for the Bears?

Coach Lovie Smith.

Smith is the protective one who bristles when even asked if maybe Grossman, who has seven turnovers in the last two games and has been mediocre-to-horrible in five of the last six, should be benched in favor of Brian Griese.

''Rex is our quarterback,'' Smith said, rising in anger. ''We're not changing.''

Smith points out, correctly, that the Bears are 10-2, and that it's not easy to win your division twice in a row, as the Bears have.

Lovie's quick postgame change into his fresh championship T-shirt proved that what he's looking for are congratulations and love hugs.

But the whole football world has seen that Grossman has hit the wall, imploded, lost his sauce, misplaced his mojo, blown a cork, and something is dreadfully wrong.

The common sentiment is this remarkable Bears defense can't be wasted on an offense led by someone needing training wheels.

Consider that the Bears got four interceptions off Vikings quarterback Brad Johnson, with Ricky Manning returning his pickoff 54 yards for a touchdown.

There was a safety by the Bears' defense, and there were the dazzling returns -- one for a 45-yard touchdown -- by punt and kick returner Devin Hester.

There was the stellar play of Bears linebackers Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs (interceptions each) and the wondrous punting of Brad Maynard, whose legwork on this chilled, windy day led directly to that safety and a 38.9 net average that dwarfed Vikings punter Chris Kluwe's 19.9 average.

Now you know how pitiful quarterbacking can lead to a victory.

But it doesn't explain Smith's refusal to budge from his Rex-is-the-man mantra.

Obviously, there's more going on here than meets the eye. Or at least more than can be reconciled with a stat sheet and logic.

''There is a difference between perception and reality,'' snapped Smith, firing away at the negative media members who keep wondering why, in the midst of odd success, it would be so terrible to let Griese actually play a tad.

The ninth-year man from Michigan hasn't moved from the bench since his brief garbage-time appearance against the 49ers six games ago.

What if he actually is needed on this purported Super Bowl drive?

Are there enough oil cans in the city to cut No. 14's rust?

What seems clear is Smith, the NFL's lowest-paid coach whose giant payday beckons at the end of this season's quest, has thrown in with Grossman in an emotional, team-rallying, all-or-nothing pact.

Grossman appreciates the support. And, no doubt, he's humbled by it.

But it's a risky venture for Lovie.

Change his mind now, and he's a liar.

Sink farther, and Grossman disappears from sight. (Though 1.3 is close to the sub-basement.)

So I asked Grossman if the winter weather and gloves (he played at Florida) maybe were a problem in this game, offering him an out.

''No,'' he said firmly.

Smith will not let a quarterback controversy break his team.

The question is, will he let a quarterback failure do the same thing?

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