Weis: If not work, family
NOTRE DAME | Wife, son, special-needs daughter are rocks that keep him grounded
SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- Ask Charlie Weis what he is most proud of, and you might be surprised by the answer. It has nothing to do with winning three Super Bowl rings with the Giants and Patriots or winning 19 games during his first two seasons at Notre Dame.
What does the Notre Dame coach consider his greatest lifetime achievement? It's a no-brainer. It's his marriage.
(AP)
''I've beaten the odds twice now,'' Weis said. ''The divorce rate among football coaches is 80 percent. The divorce rate of parents with a special-needs child is 80 percent. That's a double whammy. The national [divorce rate] is 50 percent. I have two reasons for our marriage and family to not have worked, and we've passed that with flying colors in both cases.''
Coming off a 3-9 season in his third year in South Bend, Weis sat in a conference room this week adjacent to his second-floor office at the Guglielmino Athletics Complex and addressed a variety of topics while sipping diet soda and munching on pretzels, but the conversation often reverted to his wife of 16 years, Maura, and son Charlie Jr. and daughter Hannah.
''We've had the same deal since Maura and I met,'' he said. ''When we started getting serious and were thinking about getting married, we actually went through a year of a football season so she could understand the windows and how small or big they would be.
''I did make her the promise when we got married that the rest of my life, if I wasn't doing something for work, I would either be doing something with my family or for my family. I've done that every day since the day I met her. I have no hang-out-with-the-fellas time. That doesn't happen. I'm doing something at work, or I'm doing something with my family or for my family, and because of that, we have a very loving and healthy relationship.''
Weis has made a variety of changes since one of the worst seasons in Notre Dame history ended with a 21-14 victory at Stanford. Another blue-chip recruiting class is in the fold, veteran defensive coordinator Jon Tenuta has been added to the staff and Weis has adapted his role, handing the play-calling duties to offensive coordinator Mike Haywood and spending more time getting to know his players.
''Eighteen- and 19-year-olds are not the same as 21- and 22-year-olds,'' Weis said when asked what he learned last season. ''I had never gone through that experience. Even my first two years here, the majority of the kids playing were juniors and seniors. Juniors and seniors are not that different from a rookie or second-year player in the NFL. They have been beaten down for a while, they're hardened, they know when you're saying things to them, you're not just trying to be an ass all the time. They understand that you're trying to push them.
''With younger guys, you can be doing the same thing, and they get shell-shocked. They are more concerned about being yelled at for making a mistake than the reason why they made the mistake. In other words, when you can get the guys to feel like they are letting you down when they make a mistake, instead of being afraid someone is going to yell at them, you've turned the corner. That's what I learned last year.''
Weis took the Notre Dame job with his eyes wide open. It's his alma mater, after all. He knew how visible he would be and the scrutiny he would be under before accepting what is arguably the highest-profile job in college sports.
He was able to insulate himself from the hailstorm of criticism last fall by spending long hours either in his office with the blinds drawn or on the practice field. His family doesn't have that luxury. While Hannah, who suffers from a severe global developmental delay, may not be fully aware of criticism of her father, Maura and Charlie Jr. are acutely aware.
''When things are going bad, people can write whatever they want to write,'' Weis said. ''That comes with the territory. You've got to be willing to take that as long as the shots are about you as a football coach and not you as a person. They can talk about me as a football coach anytime they want, but don't take a shot at me as a person and don't ruin the [players].
''These kids are not getting paid to play. They're getting scholarships, but it's not like they're making a million dollars per year. I get paid decent money. If you want to say I'm doing a crummy job as a coach, fine. But don't tell me that I'm a bad person. Don't do that unless you have evidence to back it up.''
The criticism has extended to Weis' decision to allow his son on the sideline during games. Charlie Jr. -- who is finishing his freshman year of high school -- wears a headset and relays the opposition's personnel groupings to the defensive huddle.
''Any loving parent in the free world who had an opportunity to do what I'm doing would do the same thing, or they're not a loving parent,'' Weis said. ''To be able to spend time with my kid, who has to live under the scrutiny of me being in the NFL or at Notre Dame and have his only sibling be a special-needs child and to be able to give him his own time. Anyone who wouldn't do that is missing the boat.''
Weis knows criticism comes with the territory. In the NFL, the athletes are the main focus. In college football, coaches are the bigger celebrities, which often means their families are thrust into the spotlight, as well. It can be enjoyable when the team is winning. During a historically poor season, it's helpful to keep the big picture in mind.
''I almost died,'' Weis said, referring to life-threatening complications resulting from his gastric bypass surgery in 2002. ''Keeping things in its proper perspective, we've had worse years than this year.
''I was close, I mean real close. We've had years with Hannah that were a lot worse than going 3-9. Bad years. Really bad years.
''When you have a kid with special needs and you went through a potential life-threatening operation, your perspective is sometimes different than other people's. That doesn't mean it's not important, but you keep your perspective.
''Was this a tough year for Notre Dame football? Yes. Was it tough on me? Yes. Was it tough on Maura and Charlie? Yes. But it's one year in your life. This is a new year.''
