EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ - FEBRUARY 02: The Seahawks mascots celebrates during Super Bowl XLVIII at MetLife Stadium on February 2, 2014 in East Rutherford, New Jersey. The Seahawks beat the Broncos 43-8. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Nothing says Super Bowl week like bundling up to drive to the Bergen mall to shop for leg warmers you don’t need. And nothing says Super Sunday like sitting in 45-degree weather in the middle of a desolate New Jersey swamp. But at least the Seahawks were super in talking the talk and walking the walk. Meanwhile, my sympathies to Peyton Manning, who will have to endure the yahoos deconstructing his legacy.
As usual, I took it all in and took copious notes:
1:02 p.m.: Fox’s Curt Menefee: “The Super Bowl’s so big this year, it takes two states to host it.” The first half’s going to be on Broadway?
1:05: The ring on Charissa Thompson’s left hand resembles an asteroid NASA has been tracking near Jupiter for 17 years.
2:04: We see Russell Wilson boarding “Team Bus 2.” Hey, QB1 should be on Team Bus 1.
2:47: Puppy Bowl, Kitten Bowl and Fish Bowl are on TV today. But no Kardashian Bowl? Some cable exec’s asleep at the switch.
3:34: Boy, Bill O’Reilly wants HEADS TO ROLL on Obamacare.
3:36: Boy, Bill O’Reilly wants HEADS TO ROLL on the Benghazi terrorist attack.
3:38: I think Bill O’Reilly was the first to call for Wayne Fontes’ job with the Lions in 1989.
4:51: Joe Namath in a fur coat. Huh. You get two outdated concepts for the price of one.
5:19: Broncos charge onto the field with a horse. Frankly, I’m surprised the horse made it into New Jersey in one piece.
5:21: An opera diva is singing the “Star-Spangled Banner”? Really? An opera singer? What type of range can she have?
5:33: The game’s opening play from scrimmage is a snap into the end zone for a safety? I won my prop bet!
5:49: Curiously, the decline of the Roman Empire began when they introduced the touchback.
5:56: It’s a loud crowd — it sounds like Seattle’s 12th Man got into one extra large Jeep Cherokee and came East.
6:01: Champ Bailey seems to have a pretty good view of Seahawks receivers as they run past him.
6:06: If I drank a PBR every time a Seahawk chirps or preens, I’d be the Joey Chestnut of beer.
6:13: In the Cheerios commercial, shouldn’t the interracial family be eating regular Cheerios and Chocolate Cheerios? Or at least Multigrain Cheerios?
6:43: If instant replay were around back then, I’m not sure the French Revolution holds up.
6:51: Pete Carroll probably pumps his fist when the traffic signal changes.
7:09: If I ever get Bar Mitzvahed again, I’m booking this Bruno Mars for the reception.
7:31: Percy Harvin’s 87-yard kickoff return makes it 29-0. I just might switch to “Shark Tank” on ABC.
7:38: Eric Decker seems to be auditioning for a remake of “The Invisible Man.”
7:55: Down 29-0, Troy Aikman says of Broncos: “You do the math, and they need four touchdowns and three two-point conversions.” Uh, that’s some bad math.
8:49: Still throwing the ball with two minutes left, Pete Carroll is thinking BCS standings.
8:50: I love that Budweiser commercial, but please note that neither the puppy nor the Clydesdale touches that swill.
8:54: For what it’s worth, Manning also might be the greatest regular-season horseshoes player of all time.
8:55: I have a feeling that Fox Sports 1 will be replaced on my cable system by Richard Sherman 1.