Chicago Sun-Times

Cancer survivors with caring spouses

Mon, 23 Sep 2013 23:08:32 -0500

Dear Abby: I am writing in response to “Anonymous in Wisconsin” (Aug. 11), the cancer survivor whose husband has lost interest in her after her double mastectomy. I am outraged by his insensitivity and lack of love. She says she doesn’t want to leave him. My question to her is, why not? She deserves better. I am a cancer survivor who was diagnosed with breast cancer seven months after I was married. Prior to my decision to have a radical mastectomy, I offered my husband the chance to leave. (After all, one doesn’t expect “worse” to come so soon after …

Family bickers over cremation costs

Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:48:43 -0500

Dear Abby: I was divorced 14 years ago. Afterward, my ex, “Tom,” hid from me because he was afraid I’d have him arrested for not paying child support. Our son is a Marine, and the Red Cross notified him that his father was dying in a hospital on the East Coast. My ex’s aunt had contacted them to notify my son as next of kin. Tom had remarried, divorced again and had a girlfriend. He died a few days later. Nobody is willing to pay for his cremation. I asked his sister and aunt if we could split the bill …

This adoptive couple welcomes questions

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:49:24 -0500

Dear Abby: In response to the Aug. 13 letter from the adoptive mom in Indianapolis, we, too, are sometimes questioned about our son. I don’t find it at all offensive, and I encourage her to view it from a different perspective. Just as mothers enjoy telling stories about their pregnancy and delivery, I relish talking about how our son came to be part of our family. I have talked openly about it to strangers in front of my son since he was a toddler. I tell them how amazing it is that a mother could love her child so much …

Girl, 14, at odds with parents over dating

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:49:09 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m a 14-year-old girl who’s having a disagreement with my parents about dating. There’s this guy, “Connor,” who likes me, and I’m very comfortable with him. His older sister and I are good friends. The trouble is, my parents have strict rules against dating and I think it’s unfair. I think I’m mature enough to date, and I know right from wrong. My friends say I’m very mature for my age, and they approve of Connor because he’s friendly and has an outgoing personality. I have tried talking to my parents about this, but I always end up …

She wants a new start in work life

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:48:55 -0500

Dear Abby: I am the mother of a 4-year-old daughter and pregnant with my second child. My boyfriend and I live in a nice house and have a comfortable lifestyle. We each pay our own bills, and I pay half the mortgage that is in his name. I am extremely unhappy at my job. The job itself isn’t the problem; it’s the management team and its effect on office morale. They treat us employees like dirt; thus, everyone is always fighting with each other. I try to stay out of it, but I am unhappy to the core there. I …

Pregnant woman still craves alcohol

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:48:42 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m three months pregnant. Before I got pregnant, my husband and I enjoyed having wine with dinner or a margarita when we were out on the town. We didn’t drink to excess, but have enjoyed alcohol in moderation. Obviously, I can’t drink anymore, but my husband carries on like nothing has changed. I’m becoming resentful every time we go out to eat. I asked him once if he’d quit drinking until our baby arrives. He looked shocked and said, “Why? I’m not pregnant.” I guess I feel left out because he’s having fun. I want him to suffer …

Sis needs to rein in out-of-control teen

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:48:26 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m 21, and my 16-year-old sister is out of control. She told me she smokes marijuana, drinks alcohol, abuses painkillers and recently mentioned she does coke. Abby, she is beautiful, and I don’t want to see her do this to herself. She’s living with me about an hour away from my parents because Dad is an alcoholic and he abuses our mother. I brought my sister here to get her away from all that because I know what it was like growing up there. I’m having trouble giving her advice to stay away from those things because I …

Controlling parents run daughter’s life

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:48:12 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m a 23-year-old woman who still lives at home. I have been working for the last five years and have saved enough to live comfortably on my own. Unfortunately, my parents have forbidden me to do it because they think I’m being manipulated into it by my boyfriend, that I just want to “do whatever I want” and be out until late (although I’m rarely up past 9 p.m. and they know it), and because I “can’t stand them” anymore. I have no privacy! My mail is opened “mistakenly” and my calls are listened in on even when …

Tot’s dad killed mom, now she is fed lies

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:47:49 -0500

Dear Abby: My granddaughter was murdered by her boyfriend. They had an 18-month-old daughter, “Bella.” All three were living together when he shot her, but we don’t know what room Bella was in when it happened. Another family member (I’ll call her Lucy) took Bella into her home, and Bella calls her Mom. Lucy has been taking Bella to the prison to visit her father, but has told her he is her uncle. I told Lucy I thought it would be better to wait until Bella is old enough to understand, then tell her what happened and let her decide …

Close call changes her driving habits

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:47:36 -0500

The other day, while backing out of a parking space, I nearly hit a woman who was walking behind my car with her toddler son. I didn’t see them because I was dialing my cellphone and was distracted. The woman rightfully yelled at me to pay attention and get off my phone, and although she was gracious and encouraged me to consider it a “wake-up call,” I didn’t react as kindly to her out of embarrassment. Instead, I became defensive and didn’t apologize, even though it was my fault. I shudder to think of what might have happened, and I …

Always on the go, he expects too much

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:47:20 -0500

Dear Abby: I am fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom. My days are spent doing chores and taking care of the kids. I also volunteer extensively at their schools, but I do find time for other pursuits, such as reading and writing. My problem is my husband. “Bob” is the kind of guy who can’t sit still. When he’s home on weekends or taking a day off, he constantly needs to be doing something. This involves projects around the house. Other than spending time online, his hobbies are active ones. Because he’s always on the go, he insists I should …

Father’s affair takes toll on frail mother

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:47:06 -0500

Dear Abby: My father admitted to having an affair a few years ago. At the time, my mother was very upset and threatened to leave, but somehow they worked it out. However, he is still seeing this woman. They talk on the phone for hours, and he visits her house frequently, leaving my mother alone for extended periods of time. When I ask my mother why they are still in contact, she doesn’t want to talk about it, and my father seems to think he isn’t doing anything wrong. Normally, I wouldn’t get involved, but I’m worried about my mother’s …

Big moves can work well with planning

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:46:52 -0500

Dear Abby: In response to “Contemplating Change in Rhode Island” (June 23), who is considering retiring with a friend to a city with a warmer climate, I would offer the same advice we have given our friends. She should know that she’ll need to be proactive in developing a social network in her new location. My wife and I also moved far south when we retired. We wanted neighbors with a variety of ages so we could hear children play nearby from time to time. We purchased a house in a “normal” neighborhood instead of a retirement community. But we …

Teen seeks help with her shyness

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:46:37 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m a 14-year-old girl who just started high school. I started to notice boys when I was in middle school, and I’d like to start dating soon. The problem is I’ve never had a close friend who was a boy, and the idea isn’t natural to me. How can I ask a boy out if I don’t even grasp the concept of being friends with one? I’m frustrated over this, especially because I really like one particular guy. The only advice I have been given is, “Get over your fear and just talk to him.” This isn’t very …

Sister needs help, but doesn’t realize it

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:46:13 -0500

Dear Abby: My younger sister, “Tanya,” is 22 and a single mother. Her son is 2. She’s pregnant again, and this time her baby will be a girl. My sister is very dramatic and emotional. She gets angry easily and has a short fuse. She’s great with her son, except he picks up on her drama and is somewhat dramatic himself. My worry is that girls are more likely to imitate that behavior, and I’m concerned my niece will be just like her mother. Although Tanya has a good heart, her emotional issues have caused her to have horrible relationships …

Lifetime friend fails to offer condolences

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:45:57 -0500

Dear Abby: My boyfriend of four years, “Joey,” is a kind and loving person. Recently, the father of one of his close childhood friends died. We live a plane ride away, and Joey could not get time off work to attend the services. I assumed Joey called his friend and family to extend his sympathies. During our last visit home, I found out he had not reached out to them. I’m upset that he didn’t, and I know the friend was deeply hurt by it. At this point, what can Joey do to make things right? Why wouldn’t he make …

Her fiance wants ex to live with couple

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:45:41 -0500

Dear Abby: I am a divorced woman with three children ages 24, 22 and 16. I live on my own with my girls. I have been dating a man, “Reed,” for three years. We are very much in love and have been working to blend our families. (He has two children.) We have decided to move in together at the end of October. My lease will be up then, and Reed has sold his condo. We will be moving into the house he shared with the ex-wife while they were married. I’m comfortable with the move, and our kids are …

Don’t let school ignore bullying

Sat, 28 Sep 2013 18:45:23 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m 8 years old and in second grade. I’m writing because I’m being bullied at school. I’m really smart, and at my school that’s a really bad thing. I try hard to be nice, but here that’s worse than being smart. The teachers didn’t help me with the bullies, so I stopped telling them. My mom told everyone she could about the bullies, but nobody helps. It keeps getting worse over time. Every day someone picks on me, pushes me or makes fun of me. Please help me. — FEELING TORN IN TEXAS DEAR FEELING TORN: Because you …