Chicago Sun-Times

Teasing over hearing loss should be cut off

Wed, 01 May 2013 14:46:09 -0500

Dear Abby: Last year, I began to lose my hearing because of a genetic disorder, and now I have to wear hearing aids. I will be a freshman in high school next year. My teachers all have to wear microphones so I can hear them. I’m scared other kids will make fun of me for being different. I have already gotten laughed at. What should I do? — EMBARRASSED TEEN DEAR EMBARRASSED TEEN: When people laugh at a person who has a disability, it is usually out of ignorance. Because this happened at school or another place where there is …

Gay man refuses to come out to future bride

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 12:26:51 -0500

Dear Abby: My oldest son came out to me as a gay man in a private conversation. I have no problem with him being gay; however, I do have a problem with the fact that he has asked me not to tell anyone. He isn’t ready to come out to anyone else. I tried to advise him that until he is true to himself, he won’t be happy. My son says if he comes out to anyone else, it would “hurt so many people.” I will keep his secret, but there is a young woman he is living with and …

Mom should not have to stay in hotel with in-law

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 02:49:02 -0500

Dear Abby: I am frustrated and angry over a situation that should be fun and happy. My husband, “Rick,” and I are planning a trip with our two children next month. We will visit family while we are there, but they don’t have room for us to stay in their home. Rick wants to bring his mother with us. It will be a tight fit in our car, but I don’t have a problem with that. What bothers me is that Rick wants her to stay with us in our hotel room. I am a very private person. I have …

Vapor-emitting smokes no danger to others

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:23:21 -0500

Dear Abby: I work in a small office with two former heavy smokers who have now transitioned to vapor/e-cigarettes. My concern is that they “smoke” their e-cigarettes in the office constantly, and I don’t know what chemicals I am now breathing secondhand. Both of them are senior to me in rank and age, and they pooh-pooh the notion that anything but water vapor is being exhaled. Am I making something out of nothing, or should I be worried about this? —CLEAN AIR DEAR CLEAN AIR: You don’t have anything to worry about, but your co-workers may. In 2009, the FDA …

Cohabiting requires independence, maturity

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:22:44 -0500

Dear Abby: As a father of two teenage daughters, I have a question about couples living together. Do relationships that start this way have a higher failure rate than those that don’t? What should be considered when a young girl has the “living together” question presented to her by a young man? And most important, what can I as a father do to help my daughters make an intelligent decision about this, other than just “load my shotgun” (LOL)? As always, thank you for broadening my wisdom horizon and giving me examples of solid advice from which both my and …

Girl says she’s ready to date, but it’s up to parents

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:22:30 -0500

Dear Abby: I am a 13-year-old girl and my parents won’t let me date. I believe I am mature for my age and won’t do anything foolish. I don’t know why my parents are being like this. Please give me some advice on how to persuade them. — REALLY READY IN NEW HAMPSHIRE DEAR REALLY READY: Although you think you are ready to start dating, your parents will have to make the ultimate decision on when you enter the “dating game.” Their decision will most likely be based on whether you have demonstrated the beginnings of emotional maturity. Here’s how: …

Married woman wants more out of life

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 17:22:20 -0500

Dear Abby: “Jake” and I have been married more than 20 years. I married before I was 18, and I’m not even 40 yet. Jake is seven years my senior. We have had our ups and downs, and although the last five years have been fine, I want more out of life than sitting at home watching TV or hanging out with him. We have two children. One is away at college and the other starting high school. When I talk to my husband about wanting to do things, he says I should have done them when I was younger. …

Ridiculed for weight, she should hang tough

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 22:45:14 -0500

Dear Abby: I was moved by the letter from “Losing Slowly in Ohio” (Jan. 14), who is 50 pounds overweight and walks every day with her friend to lose weight. She said that almost daily people made fun of them. My heart goes out to her. I was in her shoes once. With diet and exercise I lost more than 60 pounds, and I’ve kept it off. But I was never ridiculed as she was. On the contrary, one day after I had just begun a daily 1-mile jog and was struggling to keep going, I passed by a man …

Son draws unwanted attention from older girls

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 22:44:54 -0500

Dear Abby: My son is a tall, strikingly handsome teenager, although somewhat shy. Our problem is that his looks attract the wrong kind of attention from aggressive girls, and it’s getting worse every year. He and his 14-year-old sister went out to eat after school yesterday, and when they returned it was obvious my son was upset and his sister was furious. She said a group of college girls at a table next to them were teasing and taunting my son with blatantly sexual propositions. They went so far as to touch him suggestively as they got up to leave. …

Husband always rude with spouse’s parents

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 22:44:44 -0500

Dear Abby: I have been married for 18 years to a man I have a good relationship with. My problem is he has always been extremely rude to my parents. They aren’t critical or judgmental of him, and they try hard to be friendly and accommodating, perhaps thinking it might lessen the rudeness he continually shows them. Example: If my mom asks him how his parents are doing, without looking up from his cellphone he’ll grunt and say, “They’re fine” — nothing more. When we go out to dinner, he usually doesn’t join in the conversation. Instead, he just sits …

It’s up to ex to decide his role in son’s life

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 22:44:17 -0500

Dear Abby: My 14-year-old son, “Nils,” recently joined a sport he really enjoys. His stepdad and I are at every practice, helping the coaches and coaching my son along. Nils recently commented to me that he would like it if his father could come and see him practice. I took it upon myself, as I usually do, to call my ex, “John,” and suggest he make an appearance because it would make our son happy. My husband, who has been a wonderful stepdad to Nils for 13 years now, told me I should leave it alone. He said if John …

Husband crunches ice constantly, annoys wife

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 22:43:54 -0500

Dear Abby: My husband has ice water with every meal. During breakfast and dinner, he loudly crunches all of the ice in his glass throughout the meal. I have asked him not to do it at the dinner table, but he thinks I’m being unreasonable. At breakfast, I usually eat in another room and wear noise-reduction headphones. I’m deaf in one ear and have only about 60 percent hearing in the other. We have been married for more than 30 years and he claims he has “always” done it and it’s part of his enjoying his meal. Am I selfish …

Friendships can stand up to long distances

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 19:29:10 -0500

Dear Abby: I am a 16-year-old girl from Serbia. I have been in U.S. for two years and I’m studying English in an ESL class. I read your column and could use some help to solve my problem because I am very upset. I have known my best friend, “Vanessa,” for a year and a half. She is my age and we were very close. She had to leave school because her family moved. I can’t visit her because she is too far away. I cried because I don’t know if she is going to remember me or if she …

Respect woman’s wish for no birthday surprises

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 13:39:33 -0500

Dear Abby: I was raised that a person’s birthday is his or her day to do whatever he or she wants, but my wishes are being ignored by a close friend I’ll call Wade. For the last 10 years I have ignored my birthday and tried to avoid all celebrations. I’ll take a vacation alone and have a great time. My family understands how I feel and gives me no grief. I met Wade five years ago. He’s a co-worker who has become a good friend. Wade has made it his goal in life to make me celebrate my birthday. …

Grandma need not be automatic baby-sitter

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 17:30:08 -0500

Dear Abby: My daughter died in a car accident two years ago. She and her boyfriend, “Reed,” had a 4-month-old daughter, “Angela.” Since then, Reed has been very understanding and liberal with visitations. However, it didn’t take him long to find another girlfriend, who has a 4-year-old daughter I’ll call Madison. The first time I went to pick up Angela, the new girlfriend hinted strongly that I should also take Madison. I didn’t like it, but I took her. Abby, Madison is the meanest, rudest child I have ever met. She called my dad ugly, my daughter ugly and my …

Bride bamboozled, but should cut her losses

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 15:27:01 -0500

Dear Abby: My daughter was married eight months ago. During the planning of the wedding, her fiance was very involved in every aspect of decision-making. Soon after the vows were exchanged, her new husband became cold and distant toward her. He would constantly tell her she made him miserable, and he allowed his mother to ridicule and berate her over things from her hair color to her cooking. My husband and I kept quiet because we didn’t want to interfere. About a month ago, he decided he no longer wanted to be married. Since then, my daughter has revealed that …

Independent thinker sees adult hypocrisy

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 13:50:19 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m a 14-year-old girl. I don’t understand why adults tell me to be an independent thinker, to embrace myself, and then put me down for not conforming. Why is it outrageous to come to your own conclusions, speculate, challenge accepted ideas or find your own faith? It would be easier to quietly nod an empty head and smile to please our parents and the adults who influence kids, so they can enjoy superficial satisfaction for how “well” they have raised us. Should I deny myself as an individual and be pulled along, or is it better to stay …

Inmate wonders about romance in his future

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 14:47:53 -0500

Dear Abby: I’m a 50-year-old man who is serving time for robbery in West Virginia. Every day, I wake up acting as if I am in control and don’t have a care in the world. The truth is, I’m scared, lonely and feel totally helpless. All my life I have lived on the dark side of the street, taking for granted the values in life and the love so many people tried to give me. Two failed marriages and several relationships with good women are over because of my determination to follow an unhealthy dream, not to mention all the …