Royal wedding has tourists all atwitter

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Britain’s Prince William and Kate Middleton watch a 2007 rugby match in London. | Alastair Grant~AP

Updated: August 1, 2011 12:18AM

Dateline: London . . .

It’s a royal thumbs up!

The historic hitching of England’s Prince William and commoner Kate Middleton on Friday has tourists twittering, teens tweeting, gapers gawking, tongues wagging and tents sprouting outside the Westminster Abbey wedding site as the royal coupling enters its final countdown.

In true regal fashion, a brace of poop scoopers are lined up behind the gates at Buckingham Palace to rake up the excrement left behind by cavalry and horse-drawn carriages hauling royalty.

“It will be a quarter ton of [manure] before it’s all over,” chirped a royal raker to Sneed.

Postcards from London . . .

† It’s a definite case of Blimey bling: Faux sapphire engagement rings a la Kate Middleton are popping up like mushrooms after rain . . . and in a definite case of gross-me-out, a “Let Them Eat Kate” cupcake has become a hot edible souvenir.

† Bye-bye: It’s true a legion of Londoners have fled the city because of an extended Easter vacation sandwiched next to a national holiday, but the Brits are going gaga anyway.

† A hilarious royal rumor: The guest list might include King Mswati III of Swaziland, who has reportedly been married 13 times!

† A royal irony: The chapel where the royal couple will privately meet to sign the marriage register after their wedding vows is dedicated to St. Edward, the patron saint of difficult marriages. (St. Edward the Confessor reportedly dispatched his wife to a nunnery and spent the rest of his life chaste.)

† The list of A-list celebs invited to the royal wedding is entitled Zzzzzzzzzz as in snoresville: But in case you missed it, Guy Ritchie, Madonna’s ex, is on the list.

† Gift gab: It’s still a mystery what Middleton’s wedding dress looks like, but she is reportedly wearing her late grandmother Dorothy’s diamond-and-pearl earrings. Sneed sidenote: Queen Elizabeth’s post-World War II wedding dress may have cost $3,200 ($70,000 today), but amongst her wedding gifts were 131 pairs of nylon stockings — a premier World War II commodity.

† Garb gab: Brit comedian Dame Edna Everage (a regular guy named Barry Humphries — who dresses like a gaudy, outlandish woman in his act), told Sneed to give Chicago a big shout-out Wednesday and said she thought Middleton’s wedding dress should “definitely be the color blue.” There ya go.

A music note . . .

La la lyric! The Lyric Opera board missed its annual fund-raising trip scheduled for London last year when spewing Icelandic volcanic ash caused cancellation.

† The flipside: This year it’s by lucky chance the board’s annual trip was scheduled to take place during the royal wedding. Now ensconced in London’s posh Claridge’s Hotel, the Lyric group — which includes Lyric Board chief Dick Kiphart, Ron Gidwitz and Ken Pigott — is singing a very happy tune. It has lined up a top view of the royal wedding entrance at Westminster Abbey!

Going nuts!

Tree spree: When eight 20-foot trees were hauled into Westminster Abbey on Tuesday as a nuptial backdrop, a Brit journalist proclaimed them oak trees, fitting wedding decor in honor of the new acorn-studded family crest presented to Middleton’s parents by Queen Elizabeth.

† The kicker: The trees were not oaks.

London lines . . .

The city is in lockdown mode.

† To wit: London has not only been hit by royal wedding fever, but the thermometer seems to be rising because of fears of a terrorist interruption and traffic jams.

† Translation: Not only have the police asked tourists streaming into London to keep their eyes open for possible trouble, but London’s streets are a mess due to road construction for the city’s upcoming 2012 Olympics!

Finally . . .

Former Brit Prime Minister Tony Blair was not invited to the wedding, but adventurer Ben Fogle, an English TV host, snagged a royal invite. Now a hot media ticket, Fogle, a personal pal of Prince William — is a former contestant on “Castaways” (a Brit marooned-on-an-island reality show) star who garnered headlines a few years ago after contracting flesh-eating disease from a bug bite in Africa!

Now aren’t you glad you read this column?

The big question . . .

Kiss & tell: Will Prince William give Kate a big smooch on the balcony of Buckingham Palace when they greet the public after their wedding? Or will he just kiss her hand? Whadda you think? And what am I doing here?

Cheerio!