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Sneed: In London, wait for royal birth akin to watching paint dry

Terry Hutt native Cambridge major royal fan sits outside St. Mary's Hospital LondWednesday. MICHAEL SNEED/SUN-TIMES

Terry Hutt, a native of Cambridge and a major royal fan, sits outside St. Mary's Hospital in London Wednesday. MICHAEL SNEED/SUN-TIMES

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Updated: August 20, 2013 6:40AM

Dateline: London . . .

It’s a nappy nightmare!

◆ Translation: Waiting for the birth of the overdue royal baby of Prince William and Kate Middleton, an heir to the British throne, is like watching paint dry.

But Sneed isn’t wasting time.

We’ve been in a swirl trying to dig up tidbits from tips, sources and tabloid twaddle for hungry royal watchers on the baby bump trail, and have discovered baby daddy Prince William is going to be one busy boy.

Consider: Prince William . . .

◆ . . . plans to cut the umbilical cord of his first child.

◆ . . . will announce the baby’s birth first to his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth, on an encrypted phone!

◆ . . . plans to do all the cooking before he has to return to military duty and will cater to his wife’s curry whim.

◆ . . . plans to change diapers and is taking two weeks of paternity leave from his military duties after the baby is born.

Squash ‘em . . .

Oh, those royals: Prince William’sgrandfather, Prince Philip, played squash while his wife, Queen Elizabeth, was in labor with Prince Charles. . . and Prince William’s first cousin, the pregnant Zara Phillips, a competitive horsewoman criticized for riding while pregnant, is finally taking a break now that her horses have qualified for next year’s key events. Now aren’t we relieved?

Predict ‘em . . .

Tell me it ain’t so! Here’s a prediction to further frustrate press sweltering in a heat wave on the baby bump watch: Kate Middleton’s mother, Carole, has reportedly been telling people the baby will be a Leo. . . which means it will be born after July 22!

This & that . . .

◆ Former royal servant Paul Burrell, who was once Princess Diana’s butler and reportedly stashed belongings of hers which were once questionably acquired, is now being interviewed about what gifts the new royal parents should expect. Be still my tongue.

◆ The hospital where the royal birth is expected was where Sir Alexander Fleming invented penicillin.

◆ The much photographed royal fan Terry Hutt, who has been living on a bench in front of the hospital for the past two weeks decked out in the Union Jack, finally took himself back to Cambridge for a bath and a change of clothes.

The name game . . .

Pssst! Sneed hears whispers from the Buckingham Palace grapevine the name of the overdue royal baby of Prince William and Kate Middleton — if it’s a girl — will include the name “Diana” in the royal mix of numerous names given to royals.

◆ Reason: The baby’s legendary grandmother was Princess Diana, who was killed in a 1997 car accident.

◆ Flip side: The prediction by Debrett’s, which tracks the royal peerage, claims the name will be Mary Elizabeth Sophia Philippa if it’s a girl.

Stay tuned.

Camilla gab . . .

Whew! The overdue royal baby will not have to share a birthday with Camilla Parker Bowles, the former mistress of the baby’s grandfather, Prince Charles, to whom he is now married.

◆ Upshot: “No one really dislikes Camilla anymore, but it would be a sticky wicket to have her share a birthday with Princess Diana’s grandchild,” said a major Di fan staked out at the hospital.

Maternity matters . . .

Yipes: Now comes word all those sweaty reporters stationed for days in front of St. Mary’s Hospital, where the baby is expected to be delivered, may be wasting their time. A second hospital near mama Kate Middleton’s family home in Bucklebury, Berkshire, is now on alert.

And you think Sneed doesn’t work very hard.

Sneedlings . . .

Watch for Special Olympics Chicago to mark its 45th anniversary at a reception at LuxBar Saturday night, featuring the original athletes from the first games at Soldier Field . . . Friday’s birthdays: Benedict Cumberbatch, 37; Stuart Scott, 48, and Anthony Edwards, 51.

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