There is hypocrisy in busting illegal gambling

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Updated: July 14, 2011 1:55PM

Confession time.

I’m thinking the statute of limitations has long run out on my offense, but I’m going to keep some of the details foggy to protect the not-so-innocent.

Years ago, in a city that was not Chicago, I used to participate in some gaming activities that took place after hours in a place of business. Some guys I knew were acquainted with some other guys who would bring in full-sized blackjack and craps tables, provide dealers and sometimes even a comely lass who would serve drinks.

We played for cash. Once in a while, someone would try to throw a watch or an IOU into the mix, and depending on the mood of the night and the individuals involved, such collateral would be accepted.

As I recall, one could realize a profit or take a loss of hundreds of dollars — a lot of money for some of us younger participants, pocket change for the guys that were twice our age and about 15 times scarier.

Of course the game was illegal. Of course it was stupid for any of us to be there. Let’s say somebody had lost a grand and had come home to tell the story to a spouse or girlfriend. The ticked-off significant other calls the cops, and the next time everyone gets together, they’re busted.

But what’s the real difference between what transpired in that long-ago back room and the excitement and thrills advertised in all those TV and radio spots for various casinos? The latter are licensed and sanctioned — but the games are exactly the same. As long as the house isn’t crooked, you’re facing the same odds holding that 17 against the dealer’s Queen whether you’re in somebody’s house or you’re at one of those Native American casinos where there never seem to be any Native Americans working.

So why is backroom gambling a crime while casino gaming is the great American pastime?

Of gambling and hypocrisy

Just a couple of days ago, the Illinois Supreme Court gave the OK to video poker in taverns, truck stops and other establishments with liquor licenses. There could be as many as 50,000 of the machines in various bars.

I don’t know if you’ve ever played video poker or video blackjack, but here’s my guaranteed strategy for you to never lose:

Don’t play. Ever.

Those machines will gobble up your money faster than Joey Chestnut at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.

I’m not saying the machines are rigged. (I’m also not saying there’s never been a rigged machine.) They don’t have to be. Even if you’re getting “tremendous” odds, i.e., 99 percent return with perfect play over the long haul, the game is gonna grind you down. It’s like those casinos that actually brag about a 95 percent return on “the loosest slot machines in town.” They’re telling you flat-out that for every dollar you risk, you can expect to get only 95 cents back!

You always hear that video poker is the “crack cocaine of gambling.” No, gambling is the crack cocaine of gambling. So if an adult in an adult establishment drinking adult beverages wants to lose — I mean gamble — his own money on video poker, why not?

What gets me is the hypocrisy. The feds have cracked down on the online poker sites — and yes, some of that is because of the arrogant flouting of the law by the big-time online operators — when what they should have been doing is figuring out a way to get their healthy slice of the multibillion dollar pie.

And here in Illinois, in the same week the Supreme Court is giving the high-five to video poker, Oak Lawn Police busted a poker game that was allegedly taking place at a remodeling store after hours.

Fox Chicago reports that about 25 men were arrested and charged with gambling, and police seized about $1,200 in cash.

Not exactly James Bond-ian stakes.

What a joke. What a waste of police manpower. What a classic example of the hypocrisy we carry when it comes to gambling. Push the lottery in the worst neighborhoods? State-sanctioned! A couple dozen guys playing poker for a few bucks? Send ’em to jail!

I’m not criticizing the police for doing their job. I’m just hoping against hope that one day we’ll get beyond the hypocrisy about gambling in America.