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Dennis Rodman and Donald Trump find new ways to appall us, decade after decade

Updated: March 7, 2013 5:35PM

Dennis Rodman and Donald Trump. They’re the “gifts” that just keep on giving.

In a 1996 column headlined “Rodman Won’t Grow Up, and His Book Proves It,” I talked about Rodman’s book, “Bad As I Wanna Be,” and noted his incessant efforts to stay in the spotlight by any means necessary.

“Just one question. What’s Dennis Rodman going to do to attract our attention when he’s 50?”

If you answered, “Buddy up to a dangerous world leader who is continuing his father’s legacy of unspeakable atrocities against his own people,” congratulations!

In a hookup so bizarre it would be deemed too ridiculous for a sequel to “Team America,” Rodman journeyed to North Korea, literally and figuratively embracing the “awesome” Kim Jong-Un.

According to Sir Dennis of Mars, Kim’s father and grandfather “are great leaders.” He told Kim, “You have a friend for life,” and told us, “He’s proud, his country likes him — not like him, love him, love him. Guess what, I love him.”

As George Stephanopoulos of ABC’s “This Week” said on Sunday, “The first American to meet Kim Jong-Un [was] not John Kerry or Jimmy Carter, nope, it was Dennis Rodman.”

Stephanopoulos noted Kim was “a dictator who presides over prison camps, allows millions to starve and has threatened to destroy the United States…”

And then we picked it up with Rodman on set, laughing uproariously and clapping while wearing a purple baseball cap, huge sunglasses, a hideous sports coat emblazoned with the images of hundred-dollar bills and gold pants.

“I understand what [Kim] is doing, I don’t condone that, I hate the fact he’s doing that, but he’s a human being,” explained Rodman. “The kid’s only 28 years old. … He wants Obama to do one thing: call him. He said, ‘If you can, Dennis, I don’t want to do war.’ The kid’s only 28 years old. He’s 28.”

Well. That explains everything. He’s 28.

After Stephanopoulos outlined some of Kim’s atrocities and asked Rodman how he could call Kim his friend, Rodman maintained, “He’s a good guy to me, he’s my friend … guess what? What I did, what I did, was history and guess what? It’s just like what we do over here in America. … Bill Clinton can have sex with his secretary and still be powerful.”

Rodman’s concluding remarks: “Guess what ? Thank you for your report? Guess what? Guess what? Don’t hate me, don’t hate me. Guess what, don’t hate me. Guess what, don’t hate me!”

A few weeks ago, Rodman was in the area promoting his children’s book, which was released right around the time a court ordered Rodman to pay $500,000 in back child support to his ex-wife. At bookstores in Naperville and Bolingbrook, hundreds of adults, many with their children, lined up to meet Rodman and get autographed copies of the book.

If you were one of those people: Why?

Straight talk
from The Donald

You have to wonder what happens to Donald Trump’s business empire when he’s on the phone with some media outlet, ragging on a rival celebrity, bragging about his TV ratings or commenting on recent events.

I wonder if the door to Trump’s office is closed, with his assistant manning the desk and telling all callers and visitors, “Mr. Trump can’t talk about that real estate deal with the Chinese right now because he’s on the phone with Howard Stern explaining how ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ gets much bigger ratings than ‘Shark Tank.’ Can I have him get back to you?”

Did you hear Trump’s comments about the Oscars on “Fox and Friends”? He slammed “Django Unchained” for being “probably one of the most racist movies I’ve ever seen,” said the Oscar telecast sets were “tacky” and criticized Daniel Day-Lewis’ performance in “Lincoln,” telling us, “First of all, he’s not even from this country. … He had an accent I could detect. I don’t think Lincoln had an English accent, to the best of my knowledge.”

Finally. Someone has cracked the code and exposed that Daniel Day-Lewis as the mediocre actor he really is!

At times Trump sounds no more articulate than a lout in a bar. Of “Django Unchained,” Trump said, “I thought it was terrible and a disgrace. You know when they talk about guns and gun control, that movie, people should watch that, you want to talk about something really with a problem.”

OK wait. What?

From the 1990s to the 2000s to the 2010s, Trump and Rodman have continued to amaze us with their hair, their antics and their amazing worldview.

As a columnist, I’m grateful for the material. As a citizen of the planet, I’m equal parts amazed and afraid.

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