Letterman, move over: Lots of couples don't have a choice
Letters a reminder that many twosomes don't have a choice
When David Letterman married his girlfriend of 23 years and I asked for your stories of long-term relationships, I wasn't thinking straight.
Actually, I was thinking straight, literally. From my hetero viewpoint, I didn't consider that I'd hear from dozens of gay couples that have been together for decades without paperwork. They didn't even have the choice.
I also heard from about 100 hetero couples who equaled or bettered Dave's 23-year mark. Thanks to all for sharing.
• • • •
Joan from South Holland: "My boyfriend and I will be together 24 years this May. Our theory has been, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.' "
Nancy Lavorata: "My friends Sam and Linda have been a couple for 47 years. They met when Linda was 16 and Sam asked Linda to be his girl."
John Hanno: "I met Christina shortly after I got out of the Army in 1967. She worked at a Dunkin' Donuts shop. We've been through so many tough times in the last 42 years that people wonder how we can still be together. . . . I guess it's a promise and mutual respect."
Note: John told me in great length about a number of setbacks, medical and financial. But he's still with Christina. As he put it, "If you decide to take the plunge, an enduring human relationship does not need a marriage license, or children . . . you don't have to be the opposite sex or the same race or religion . . . you have to prefer spending time together rather than apart and you need mutual respect. It's worked for us for 42 years."
Mary Anne Kulchawik: "My boyfriend and I have been together since our first date at River Oaks theater [in Calumet City] to see 'Breakfast Club' in 1985."
The River Oaks Theater! That's where I saw "Jaws," "Fast Times at Ridgemont High," "Star Wars," "Tootsie," "E.T.," "Apocalypse Now," "An Officer and a Gentleman" and countless other films.
Also still together but not married: Keith Nelson and Watts. Since 1987.
Name withheld: "The laws in this country and others are stacked against love. My mother and her boyfriend have been together for over 30 years and can't/won't get married because they can't afford to give up my deceased stepfather's pension. The minute my mother marries, she loses that pension. She deserves that money for all the years she worked as a housewife and mother.
"I was with someone for 15 years but couldn't get married because I am gay. So when my partner passed away two years ago I didn't get his pension or Social Security benefits, which might have kept me solvent enough to stay out of foreclosure."
Meleah Geertsma: "My great-uncle and his male partner were together for over 50 years."
Jim Deuter: "I met my partner, Andy Karzas, when we were 28 and 33 respectively. Last week we turned 70 and 75. We've lived in Chicago all this time. My partner and I are gay. In today's society, alas, I suppose that doesn't count."
Of course it counts. Straight or gay, any relationship that lasts 40-plus years is a union worthy of our celebration, respect and admiration.
Lisa S.: "We're one year behind the Lettermans. When you do your follow-up column on this subject, please poll other couples on how they introduce and refer to each other. I've always been referred to as 'the old lady.' It's not so easy on my end. 'Boyfriend' makes it sound like we're in our 20s. 'Husband' makes me feel like a liar. There is nothing I'm comfortable saying."
Hmmmm. How about:
"This is my parole officer."
"This is some guy. I can never remember his name."
"This is my Facebook Friend for life."
"This guy is following me on Twitter -- and in real life. Help!"
"This is the President of MY United States."
On sixth thought, maybe you're right. There is no good term, is there?
Name withheld: "Move over, David Letterman. I have been in a relationship for 27 years and we each have our own place. We do the same things married couples do and then some."
D&D: "It's our 30th non-marriage relationship this year. We met in 1979 at a disco. I was 25 and he was 20 and we have been together ever since. After 30 years together we both can still look into that same mirror and laugh with that person and know we will always be best friends and FABULOUS lovers!!!"
Is that a conventional mirror -- or the mirror ball from that magical night when you first met?
I could have filled a week's worth of columns with your love stories. Cheers.