Updated: October 18, 2012 6:20AM
The great comedian Louis CK tells the harrowing and hilarious story of having to take his two little girls to the bathroom at the airport.
“I can’t take them to the ladies’ room,” he says. “ ‘Go in there girls, into the public restroom of an international airport.’ Just release my custody of them to whoever’s in there. So I gotta take them into the … John F. Kennedy Airport men’s room …”
What follows is an all-too-realistic description of what’s happening in the stalls on either side of you when you’re in a public restroom.
This is why some people would rather risk bladder rupture than walk into a public restroom. And many who will go “Number One” (as the sophisticated euphemism puts it) would never go “Number Two” in a bathroom where any number of strangers are going about their personal business.
Which brings us to Yankee Stadium and Saturday’s game between New York and the Tampa Bay Rays. A crowd of 46,856 saw the Yanks edge the Rays 5-3, giving New York a one-game lead over the Orioles in the AL East.
Good stuff. Pennant race in September and all that.
But for some fans, that Saturday will always be remembered as the game where the couple, um, coupled up in the bathroom.
No stalling here
Deadspin has the video, the photos and the play-by-play from a guy who says he witnessed the event.
“It was about the second through the fourth inning,” writes the tipster. “I noticed two sets of legs in a stall … in matter of minutes a rather large crowd had developed. … Seems impossible, but the couple appeared to be oblivious to the surrounding crowd/onlookers/amateur photographers …”
Sure enough, appallingly enough, there’s visual evidence of a guy in a C.C. Sabathia jersey and a young woman in a bathroom stall.
“C.C. Sabathia looks thin and pale if you ask us,” cracks the Deadspin scribe, who says the tipster told him “the girl got the slow-clap treatment when she left the bathroom.”
This isn’t the first incident of cell phone video and/or media reports about a couple going at it in the restroom at a sporting event. It happened at a Cowboys game in Dallas in 2009, at the Minnesota-Iowa football game at the Metrodome in 2009 and at Opening Day at U.S. Cellular Field in 2010.
One imagines copious amounts of alcohol might have been consumed before these amorous couples decide to turn a men’s room stall into a 15-minute motel. But still. In a world in which most rational human beings visit public restrooms at sporting events or concerts or outdoor festivals only because it’s literally a necessity, it’s hard to fathom the mindset, or lack thereof, that leads to romance in a stall.
Right now there are two people who, when asked what they did over the weekend, are probably going to skip over the part about having sex in the bathroom of the Yankees game on Saturday.
Sox and the city
Don’t look now, but the White Sox are in the thick of the playoff hunt with just a couple of weeks left in the season.
The team that was picked to go 67-95 by Sports Illustrated, the team given a 1.1 percent chance of winning the World Series by one computer ranking, the team pegged as a 65-1 long shot by Vegas oddsmakers in April, has a legit shot at the postseason.
Every time I mention this out on Twitter,
I hear from legions of Cubs fans pointing
out their team is still a bigger draw than
the White Sox, even with the Sox in first place and the Cubs really, really not in first place.
They’re right. We all know about the advantages of the Wrigleyville experience and the nationwide affection for the lovable loser Cubbies, and all that, but it’s amazing to see the Cubs averaging more than 36,000 fans per game in 2012 compared to the average attendance of 24,457 for the White Sox.
But here’s a question for my Cubs-fan friends. Would you rather be in a half-filled restaurant where they’re serving filet mignon, or a crowded joint where the only thing on the menu is sawdust?