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Mitt Romney does Las Vegas

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Updated: August 23, 2012 9:52AM

Even as Donald Trump continued blithering and blathering about how “a lot of people” (meaning Trump and the cartoon creatures that live inside his head) are still not convinced President Barack Obama was born in the USA, his Vegas buddy Mitt Romney was trying to woo the locals.

Dissing Obama for saying corporate types shouldn’t be blowing bailout money in Vegas and parents shouldn’t blow the kids’ tuition money in Sin City, Romney said: “I’ll tell you if I become the next president of the United States, I’m going to remind people I’ve come to Las Vegas, I love it here. Come out to Las Vegas and spend some time.”

Imagine the madness of a Mitt Romney weekend in Vegas. From attending “Mamma Mia!” to ordering a milkshake at 9 o’clock at night to … what? Closing his eyes as he walks past long lines of micro-mini-skirted club girls waiting to get into the latest den of debauchery? Putting his hands over his ears as he walks past a bunch of bachelor partying lunks swearing up a storm at the craps table? Saying “Gee, no thank you,” to the guys trying to get you to take a handout with pictures of the naked ladies that would like to visit you in your room?

Not that Romney’s above making a trip to Vegas in search of a big score. Not only did he partner up with the odious Trump for a $2 million fund-raiser, he met with casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson, who funneled $10 into a SuperPAC for Newt Gingrich, which was only slightly more effective than funneling $10 million into a black hole. Romney might be as straitlaced as they come, but obviously he doesn’t have problems raising money with the likes of Trump, who has said despicable things about women and continues to attack the president’s integrity over the birthing issue, and Adelson, who has made a fortune on the gambling habits of all those regular working class people who lose their hard-earned money at the gaming tables and slot machines.

“It’s entirely possible that late in the evening of Nov. 6, the nation is going to be wondering what’s going to happen in Nevada,” Romney told a crowd in Vegas.

At that point, a man in the audience yelled out: “You can do it!”

“Yeah, exactly, that’s a good strong voice,” said Romney with a chuckle.

Oh, man. It would have been a major upset if Romney had recognized that the man was clearly doing an imitation of Rob Schneider’s catch phrase. But how great would it have been if the Mittster had figured it out?

When Regis quizzed Dave

Last week on “Piers Morgan Live,” the Larry King successor created one of the skeeziest moments in recent talk show history as he quizzed the great Dara Torres about her desire to win Olympic gold in 2012.

“Is there any experience in the world better than winning a gold medal in the Olympics?” asked Morgan. “If I could say to you, ‘Look Dara, you could have the best sex of your life all over again right now or Olympic gold in London, which one you gonna take?”

“My fluff answer would be the gold medal,” said the blushing Torres.

“Do you mean that?…You’re actually thinking about something completely different…your mind racing back to some…where are we going, the beach?” said Morgan.

Good God.

Cut to Tuesday night, with Regis Philbin filling in for Morgan and spending the hour chatting with his dear friend David Letterman, who very rarely appears as a guest on anyone’s show but actually volunteered for duty after hearing Reege was hosting for a night.

It was a fascinating session. Philbin got Letterman to open up about Letterman’s returns to television after the personal crisis of his heart surgery and the national tragedy of 9/11. There was talk of Johnny Carson’s influence on Letterman, Dave’s favorite guests through the years, the friendship Regis shares with Letterman. Dave shared an anecdote about his wife and young son. It was about as introspective and genuine as Letterman’s ever going to get in a TV interview. Great TV.

On more than one occasion, Letterman campaigned for Philbin to have his own show on CNN — not replacing Morgan, but somewhere else in the lineup.

Why not? Maybe not every single weeknight, but the 80-year-old Philbin clearly still has the energy, the desire and the skill set to sit in front of a microphone and shoot the breeze. Of course he’s not going to score a “get” like his old pal every time out, but given the choice between Regis Philbin talking to David Letterman about being a dad and Top Ten lists and what Rudy Giuliani meant to New York in the wake of 9/11 or Piers Morgan leeringly asking Dara Torres if she’d rather win a gold medal or have an orgasmically fantastical evening …



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