suntimes
CHOPPY 
Weather Updates

January Jones leads in Gross Moms bracket

Updated: April 30, 2012 9:47AM



Who do you have in your Gross Mom brackets: January Jones, Mayim Bialik or Alicia Silverstone?

I’ve got Jones as a 10-point favorite. But they’re all coming up with some . . . interesting approaches to motherhood.

Silverstone, the former “Clueless” star and well-known animal rights activist, believes in feeding her children just like a mommy bird feeds her young.

That’s right. The vegan Silverstone feeds her 10-month-old son Bear Blu (you thought her kid was going to be named James Michael?) by grinding and chewing the food in her own mouth and then dropping it into her child’s mouth. There’s even a helpful instructional video on her website.

Can’t wait for that kid to grow up and become addicted to McDonald’s.

Meanwhile, Bialik of “Blossom” and “The Big Bang Theory” says she still breast-feeds her 3œ-year-old, and she doesn’t believe babies need diapers. According to Bialik, infants know how to hand-signal to their parents when it’s time to go — and then all you have to do is hold them over a bucket or a bowl. Also, no cribs in the Bialik household. “We safely co-sleep” is how she puts it.

But wait, there’s more. January Jones told People magazine that after giving birth to son Xander Dane, “I have a great doula who makes sure I’m eating well, with vitamins and teas, and with placenta capsulation.”

That’s right, she’s eating her own placenta. “We’re the only mammals that don’t ingest our own placentas,” says Jones.

Right. We’re also the only mammals that speak, fly airplanes and are encouraged to leave a tip after we’ve eaten. Yes, we’re all God’s creatures, but guess what, humans are God’s most impressive creatures, what with the talking and the writing and the freedom to give our kids insanely stupid names while thinking we have the ability to reinvent parent­hood because we play other people for a living.

The one-and-done game

Earlier this week it was announced Duke standout Austin Rivers is the latest collegiate basketball player to go the “one-and-done’’ route, with his coach Mike Krzyzewski confirming Rivers is entering the NBA draft.

“Austin had a terrific year as a freshman and has put himself in a position to pursue his dream of being a great player in the NBA,” said Krzyzweski. “He is an outstanding young man with an even more impressive family. We are in total support of Austin, his family and his decision.”

No doubt Coach K and his staff then resumed their pursuit of the next crop of elite high schoolers who will come to one of the best universities in the country to play for one of the most admirable basketball coaches of all-time. And then the best of that crop will exit Duke for the pros after a year, two at the most. (To be fair, Duke has one of the most impressive graduation rates, with 97 percent of freshman student-athletes in all sports getting degrees.)

The four-year letterman is a rarity. Usually it means the kid was good enough to play on the team but not good enough to get a serious look from the pros. So we call these players “freshman” and “sophomores,” knowing they’re really “rookies” and “second-year semi-pros.”

But the Wheel of Hypocrisy just keeps on spinning. Everyone can make serious money — except the players. The top coaches hop from school to school, making more millions with each stop. March Madness is game after game of exciting basketball sandwiched between an insane number of commercial breaks. It’s raining hundreds of millions of dollars on the TV stations and the universities.

And then some kid gets banned from the tournament because he accepted a couple hundred bucks so he could eat. What! The “student-athlete” needed money for food and he accepted it from a non-family member? Bench him! We can’t have that kind of corruption tainting our sacred game! This guy’s as bad as those football players who accepted free tattoos or suits of clothes!

What a joke.

You can’t blame the freshman who opts for the pros, especially if his family is struggling and there’s the potential for a multimillion-dollar contract. You can’t even blame Austin Rivers for going pro, even though it’s highly unlikely it’s for financial reasons given that his pop is former NBA player and Celtics coach Doc Rivers. The scouts have Austin projected as a middle first-round pick.

But it would be refreshing if the NCAA took a look at its rulebook and started revising some of the more ridiculous rules and regulations that make the organization look so hypocritical.



© 2014 Sun-Times Media, LLC. All rights reserved. This material may not be copied or distributed without permission. For more information about reprints and permissions, visit www.suntimesreprints.com. To order a reprint of this article, click here.