Obama & Hillary's baggage claim

News Headline: ''Bill Clinton strikes again.''

News Headline: ''Rev. Wright again at center of Dem campaign.''

So now both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have embarrassing camera-huggers lurking behind them.

Look on the bright side. Think of it as a level playing field.

QT Early Warning System:

Three-fourths of medical bankruptcies were covered by health insurance at the start.

News Item: Hillary Clinton repeats call for a ''Lincoln-Douglas'' debate with Barack Obama.

The Lincoln-Douglas debates offered this format:

• • First candidate speaks for an hour.

• • Second candidate speaks for an hour and a half.

• • First candidate speaks for a half hour.

Then again, other formats still may need to be explored, including the ''American Idol'' format:

• • Each candidate gives the standard song and dance.

• • Simon Cowell speaks.

This would pass the time until we arrived at ''Survivor: Denver.''

The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators (cont'd):

A high school senior in Apple Valley, Minn., was expelled for violating her school's zero-tolerance weapons policy when she purchased an 18-inch ''Lord of the Rings'' souvenir sword as a Father's Day gift while on a spring break choir trip in Britain 4,000 miles away.

S.R., a Chicago reader, writes:

''Don't you ever have anything good to say about President Bush?''

As a matter of fact, QT has just watched President Bush conducting the U.S. Marine Band in ''Stars and Stripes Forever.''

He showed a good stick technique -- and might have made an excellent conductor.

Which would have saved thousands of lives.

QT What Passes for Miracles These Days Update:

Following the discovery in March of an image of Jesus on a Cheeto in Houston, an image of the Virgin Mary has been found on a Cheeto in Rio Linda, Calif.

Carolyn Urban, a Midlothian reader, regarding a suggestion that if Charles Dickens had written a cookbook, it might have been called Crepe Expectations, notes that William L. Shirer never got around to writing The Rice and Fowl of the Third Reich.

John Edwards criticizing the current Wall Street culture:

''The owners, employees and creditors of these institutions are rewarded when they succeed, but it is all of us, the taxpayers, who are left on the hook if they fail. This is called private profits and socialized risk. Heads, I win. Tails, you lose. It is a reverse Robin Hood system . . .''

Then again, what do you expect from --

No. Wait. Those are the words of David Einhorn, a hedge fund manager.

Sorry.

News Headline: '''Iranian officials fear Barbie dolls will destroy their culture.''

So there is something to be said for Barbie, after all.

From the QT Archive of Knowledge:

• • The capacity of Shakespeare's Globe Theater was 3,000.

• • There were no toilet facilities at the Globe Theater.

• • And maybe you don't want to know the rest.

H.B., a Naperville reader, writes:

''I recently read that a certain town was located two hours west of Chicago. When did distance become time, and when can we have distance back?''

Probably too late to do anything. This happened light years ago.

QT Grammar R Us Seminar on the English Language (cont'd):

The Rev. Jeremiah Wright speaking out against the ''arbitrary norms'' of English grammar and defending those who know only street language:

''Different does not mean deficient. It simply means what? Different.''

We can hope Wright sticks to his principles. There is no good reason everyone should be encouraged to know standard English.

If that were to happen, where would we find our minimum-wage workers?