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It was all about a boy

The casket carrying body EndiMartleaves St. Andrew Temple Baptist Church following funeral services for 14-year-old EdinMartMonday May 5 2014. |

The casket carrying the body of Endia Martin leaves St. Andrew Temple Baptist Church following funeral services for 14-year-old Edina Martin, Monday May 5, 2014. | Jessica Koscielniak / Sun-Times

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It was all about a boy, according to the police.

And with that pronouncement, sensible adults all across Chicago — hell, across the country — have been shaking their heads about that explanation for why one 14-year-old girl would gun down another 14-year-old girl, Endia Martin, on a Chicago street.

But, I’m telling you, at the same time there is another group that’s been saying, yeah, you gotta fight for your man — that’s what women do.

Who would say such a thing, you wonder? Teenage girls. And why wouldn’t they? They have been brought up on one reality show after another, where grown women get all dolled up to scream at and connive against their supposed friends. The type of woman who flips over tables draws legions of fans, they know (and much later legal woes, but that’s a whole ’nother column).

And they’ve watched countless TV talk shows that routinely feature women willing to get up on a stage to trash talk and duke it out — or almost come to blows just before the requisite security guards pull them apart — over some dubious dude. (Why, oh why, do females so often go for a guy they end up supporting financially while he’s using all his free time to get with another woman? But I digress.)

If I could send a message to my younger sisters, it is this: There’s something you never see while the cameras are rolling. Some day — probably sooner than later — more likely than not you will forget this guy who made you lose your senses. He will become a distant, sometimes even distasteful, memory. Even those crazy dames on reality shows have to say to themselves “What was I thinking?!” after some of their actions.

Even the boys who weren’t trouble, but just stole your heart, grow hazy over time. After many years I ran into an old boyfriend. He was grinning wildly as he stood in front of me. I didn’t have a clue who he was.

A friend tells me how a long-ago ex waxes on with details of their young love — but all she can remember is one sloppy kiss that wasn’t all that great.

My dad once offered the sound advice — albeit to my sibling twins who were 5 at the time — to never go to jail for someone you don’t love. And never — I will add with Endia Martin’s sad story in mind — for someone you will one day barely remember.

Email: sontiveros@suntimes.com

Twitter: @SueOntiveros



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