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What women need to know about men: a doctor’s view

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Updated: June 11, 2012 10:19AM

Brothers must think sisters are clueless when it comes to men.

Steve Harvey jump-kicked his career with Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, a book that proved so popular even church mothers flocked to the movie theater when the best-selling book was released as a film.

Now, Dr. Ian K. Smith, Chicago’s own celebrity doctor, is weighing in with The Truth About Men: The Secret Side of the Opposite Sex.

On Friday, Smith will kick off his book tour at the Crowne Plaza with a panel of three of the hottest black men on the planet: Boris Kodjoe, Hill Harper and Evan Shy.

“This event is to really have an open, honest dialogue of married and single men with women to talk about the issues that we all are having in relationships and the need for better communication,” Smith told me.

Although I found Smith’s book fascinating, I’ll leave it for a brother to review.

But obviously, there is a problem when it comes to black romantic relationships.

This week I received a call from a mother who seemed genuinely puzzled by her adult daughter’s behavior. The young unmarried woman already had two daughters by different fathers.

“Will you say something about these girls who are meeting young men who act like they are into them, and the women start disrespecting themselves and their family,” the mother pleaded. “Do the young men have gold or silver down there?”

And too many educated black women are living out their lives alone because they are unable to find a suitable mate.

Recent studies found African Americans are marrying far less and much later in life than whites.

“The numerical advantage is in favor of men when it comes to dating,” Smith pointed out.

“I have so many female friends and women I have met over the years who seem to have it all, but for some reason they can’t find Mr. Right. What I realized was they may have already found Mr. Right and didn’t realize it because they didn’t understand what these men were saying or why they were doing what they were doing,” he explained.

“Social media has changed the landscape and the way people communicate. Women tend to get the short end of the stick when it comes to social media because guys are the ones who want to text. Guys like to hide behind social media because of our insecurity. Guys don’t want to be rejected,” he said.

Here are a sampling of the things men want women to know, according to Smith’s book.

“If there’s too many rules in the beginning of a relationship, he’s gone.”

“He wants you even more when others want you.”

“Early use of the word ‘marriage’ is an instant red flag, even if you’re using it in the most innocent ways.”

“If you lose your body then you’ll lose him.”

“Men can overcome a lot of your physical shortcomings, but overcoming bad teeth is virtually impossible.”

And my favorite and one that I can testify to: “Sometimes it simply is what it is, and your constantly trying to find a deeper meaning than what he presents is an annoyance.”

“My book is nonjudgmental and does not say men are right or wrong or if women are right or wrong,” Smith said. “But if you want to understand your man, these are the things that he is thinking, and these are the things he is doing, and here is the reason why. It does not mean that women must adapt their behavior to the desires of men,” Smith continued.

“But if they really want to understand their man, this book is a perfect way to decode them.”

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