No dogging it in hunt for mushrooms
Walk in the woods just goes to show you can't outfox a hound
'When are we going deer hunting again?" Gilbert's question took me by surprise, as they so often do. You never know where that dog comes up with some of this stuff. To the best of my recollection, I answered carefully, we've never been deer hunting.
"Then what were we doing tromping around in the forest preserve those last few weekends."
Oh, that. The idea was that we were supposed to be mushroom hunting.
"Mushroom hunting? Are you still on that kick? No wonder you let the deer get away."
No wonder you didn't find any mushrooms.
"You didn't tell me we were looking for mushrooms."
That's part of the mystique of mushroom hunting. Everyone is supposed to be very secretive.
"If you say so. Did you find any mushrooms?"
No, but that's OK. We got some exercise.
"Exercise is OK, but venison stew is better."
Forget the venison. Hunting deer in the forest preserve is illegal.
"Then let's hunt someplace else."
The only hunting we're doing is for mushrooms, and if I knew of a better place, I'd go there.
"That Bowman guy is still holding out on you, eh? Those morels must be good."
Morels? Bowman? So you did know I was mushroom hunting?
"Sure I did. The deer hunting was just a clever cover. Mushroom hunters are supposed to be secretive, you know. But didn't you like the way I tracked those whitetail deer anyway?"
There were so many deer out there we couldn't avoid stumbling into them. Come to think of it, I hope they weren't eating all the mushrooms.
"You're lucky that I have good self-esteem. By the way, do morels taste anything like truffles?"
I don't know. You can judge for yourself if you help me find some. Now, stop being a pest.
Gilbert was quiet for a minute after the rebuke as he relieved himself on a clump of the neighbor's grass, then did that weird backward kick thing as if he were trying to bury it -- or pretend he was a bull.
"We could always talk about the election, if you'd rather," he offered after a time.
I've had my fill of the election for right now, thank you.
"Is that why you aren't joining in the hue and cry for Hillary Clinton to drop out of the presidential race?'
No, I'd love for her to drop out, but I really can't justify saying she must after she won Indiana.
"But she's going to lose, right? The math is the math and all that."
Yes, it would appear that way. But if Obama wants her out of the race, what he really needed to do was beat her in one of those showdown states. Winning Indiana might have done the trick, as might have Pennsylvania, Ohio or Texas. Now, I wouldn't be surprised if she ran out the string while continuing to look for a way to blow him up before the convention.
"That reminds me. Didn't I hear something about you stirring up a little trouble for yourself last week by calling white people racist for using that Rev. Wright character as an excuse to justify backing away from Obama?"
Where'd you hear that?
"I keep my nose to the ground."
Funny. Who's writing your material these days.
"Why? You jealous?"
No, but maybe they'd be willing to take you in and feed you for a few weeks as long as they're stoking your ego.
"You don't need to be so defensive. I didn't know you couldn't handle the heat."
I don't mind the heat. It helps generate hits on the Web site. I just don't like nosy dogs who don't know their place.
"Sounds prejudiced to me. What about that offer you made to travel around Indiana for a week while writing columns about what a great place it is?"
That was contingent on Indiana Democrats voting for Obama and on Clinton dropping out.
"Does that mean we're not going? I was looking forward to checking out that Pokagon State Park."
No, we're not going, not unless somebody over there tells us where we can find some mushrooms.
