Obama has to count on...Hoosiers?
No love lost between states as Obama tries to clinch bid
An Illinois politician stands on the precipice of the Democratic presidential nomination, his fate squarely in the hands of the good people of Indiana.
Uh-oh.
I'm getting a bad feeling here.
If Barack Obama still harbors any hopes of driving a stake through the heart of Hillary Clinton's presidential ambitions before the nomination process reaches this summer's convention, the experts say he's going to have to win the May 6 Indiana primary.
But let's face it, the people of Illinois and the people of Indiana don't get along very well.
They don't much like us. We don't much like them. And there's no logical reason to think they are going to be any more fond of our United States senator.
I can't exactly explain why this is so, but you know it is true, even if you have friends or relatives on the other side of the border, maybe especially if you have friends or relatives on the other side of the border.
This has nothing to do with Peyton Manning dashing our Super Bowl hopes, although that didn't help. It's not even related to the way Bobby Knight used to try to bully former Illini basketball coach Lou Henson. And I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with Indianapolis native John Dillinger getting gunned down in Chicago.
It's more basic.
They regard us as the land of hoods and thugs. We treat them like the land of hicks and rubes.
Sometimes it seems our only common ground is a mutual lack of affection for Northwest Indiana.
But even there, we're going in opposite directions. The rest of Indiana doesn't like Northwest Indiana because they think it's too much like Chicago, while Chicagoans don't like Northwest Indiana because it's in Indiana.
(Not me, of course, I love Northwest Indiana, where the Sun-Times still has many loyal readers, if I don't manage to run them off with this column.)
Right about now, you're thinking this is going to deteriorate into another of those articles where the Chicago guy makes fun of the Hoosiers, Indy-no-place or The Region. Absolutely not.
What I'm looking to do is find ways to emphasize our similarities -- or anything else that would bring the presidential campaign to a merciful conclusion. If begging would do it, I'm there. Please, oh please, good citizens of Indiana, take mercy on our poor, beleaguered presidential candidate who knew not the nature of bitterness, but is quickly learning.
Why, I even came up with a plan for promoting cross border harmony.
I would drive to Phil Smidt's, the famous Hammond restaurant where generations of Indiana and Illinois residents bonded over lake perch, frog legs and gooseberry pie. Once there, I would gorge myself over lunch, then interview the patrons about all the things we have in common: our love for the Indiana Dunes, Abraham Lincoln, Lake Michigan pollution, um, our love for the Indiana Dunes.
By the time I finished, I was certain everyone would have forgotten that the very term Illiana conjures up visions of a toxic waste site.
There was just one problem. Phil Smidt's went out of business last fall with the owner complaining that too many people were bypassing his joint to spend their money at the riverboat casinos. Others said the food was no longer any good.
No matter the reason, my hopes were crushed.
But summoning the rest of my audacity, I have devised a new plan.
I'm going back to begging.
If Indiana Democrats can find a way in their hearts to let Obama off the hook for his slip-ups, I will gladly contribute to their tourism industry by wandering Indiana for an entire weekend as penance for any past slights to their great state.
OK, look. I'll make it a three-day weekend and promise to actually spend money, not sleep in my car, maybe bring the wife and take her to the Michigan City outlet mall.
OK, OK. You Hoosiers drive a hard bargain. Here's my final offer, I'll wander Indiana for an entire week, filing columns along the way about the beauty and wonders of your land and its people, but only if Obama wins by a landslide and Clinton actually suspends her campaign.
If that's not enough, maybe I could convince Senate President Emil Jones to pass a law allowing Indiana to call itself the Land of Lincoln on alternating Thursdays during leap years. Seeing as how Honest Abe did grow up there.
For starters, though, if I were Obama, I'd go out of my way during these next 10 days to emphasize that Clinton is from Illinois, too.