Lisa says when she was in high school, she thought of herself as “extremely” overweight.

“In my senior year, I weighed about 160 pounds while most girls were around 110. I wore a size 14 or 16. This was back in the days when Twiggy was an icon.”

Weight, says Lisa, was always an issue in her house.

“My mom was always putting me on a diet. I’m the only kid I know who had an angel food birthday cake because it had fewer calories than chocolate cake. My mom also always complained about how fat she was and called any larger person a ‘fat slob.’ She even called my godmother that.”

Lisa’s mother had been very thin when she was a young woman. But she gave birth to Lisa when she was 39 and gained weight. “I only remember her as being 50 or older, and she was about a size 14-16 then.”

Lisa had one sibling, a sister, who was always thin, “even if we did get fed the exact same food!”

When it came to boys, Lisa’s mother told her nobody was going to want her since she was fat. “And if they did ask me out, they probably only wanted one thing.”

Lisa went to an all-girls high school and didn’t meet many boys. She knew a few from grammar school, but they were just pals, not potential romantic partners. And because of her weight and her mother’s voice in her head, she was too self-conscious to go to the weekly dances at the local all-boys school.

“I made it all the way through high school without a date.”

After school, Lisa went to work. While she was working at a department store she first started meeting men — “most of whom wanted nothing to do with me.”

It was at work that Lisa became friends with Jerry. They were part of a group that hung out together. Her mother overheard her talking about him.

“Once a real date was planned, my mother’s first question to me was, ‘Why does he want to go out with you?’ I felt like I’d been slapped. I felt insulted, and she made me unsure about Jerry and his motives.”

Lisa didn’t need to worry. “Luckily, he was raised to be a complete gentleman, or I might have figured Mom was right, that he was only after one thing. I would never have trusted anyone again. I might never have dated anyone after that. Also, luckily, he was my one and only boyfriend, and we’ve now been married for 38 years.”

Looking back, Lisa realizes she wasn’t “extremely” overweight at all. “I see that I wasn’t so bad after all. In fact, I would kill to weigh that little now.”

Lisa’s weight has gone up over the years, but she says it’s never been an issue between her and Jerry.

“I’ve gained [and lost] a lot since our wedding. But he’s never said a word or treated me any differently. His mother was a larger woman and his dad clearly adored her, so I think he learned this from his family.”

Did your parents send
you destructive messages? How have they affected you? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants, to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com.