See dog race against brat, Polish, et al
MILWAUKEE, Wis. -- It was the best of times, it was the wurst of times.
One minute I'm high-fiving cheering fans in the stands, and the next thing I know I'm a bum. Ah, the life of an athlete -- or at least one wearing a giant foam hot dog costume for a day.
I'm at Miller Park, home of the Milwaukee Brewers -- and the popular Racing Sausages.
With one out in the sixth, I donned my Frank the Hot Dog outfit, popping my arms through a pair of holes and placing the inner harness on my shoulders. My four opponents did the same. There was lederhosen-wearing Bret the Bratwurst; Stosh, a Polish dog in sunglasses; Guido, an Italian sausage with a chef's hat, and the newest member, Cinco the Chorizo, wearing a gigantic sombrero.
Frank the Hot Dog looked like an All-American baseball player, with his toothy smile and black war paint under his eyes. The top of "my" head hovered about 11 feet in the air. My real eyes were peering through a mesh screen in the character's chest. I paced around like a caged animal, nervous but ready to run for all the mustard.
After the third out, a gate opened and the five of us emerged from behind the left field wall. Emulating the other sausages, I strutted along the left field foul line. We lined up, ready for our footrace.
And, we're off!
Some 43,812 fans -- the 10th sellout of the season -- roared while I huffed and puffed. This is a long 150-yard sprint after all.
While I wasn't far behind Cinco the Chorizo, the two of us were clearly eating the others' dust. My casing was palpitating and sweat poured through my bun.
Near the finish line I heard one fan yell, "You suck, Hot Dog!"
He was right. Those words are still ringing in my ears.
The Italian Sausage won, followed by Bret, Stosh, Cinco and me, the not-so-hot Hot Dog ... dead, rancid, last.
Local Milwaukee sausage maker Klement's sponsors the Racing Sausages at Miller Park. Similar competitions are held at other big league stadiums, but the Brewers' battling meat products were the first live action figures to compete in a regularly scheduled event. What started as a cartoon video board race in the '90s evolved into the real deal, with the five sprinting sausage contestants enthusiastically embraced by the crowd.
"The fans go crazy in a stadium like this," said Alexi Casilla, a young infielder for the visiting Minnesota Twins. "The sound goes vroom!"
The races have taken place after the top of the sixth inning at every home game since the opening Miller Park in 2001.
"I like the Bratwurst, because my whole family is German," said Michael Hurtz, a tall theology student from Milwaukee wearing a Loyola U Volleyball sweatshirt. "It's fun and all about Milwaukee -- beer and sausages."
He's right. Milwaukee, this hearty Midwestern city of 600,000, is all about beer and sausages. And people consume plenty of each -- with relish. My favorite beer joints include the Lakefront Brewery (the Animal House of breweries), Sprecher and the Milwaukee Ale House.
Tailgating before games is a huge Milwaukee tradition. Before a recent day game, the parking lot smelled meaty and succulent as all kinds of sausages and steaks sizzled away on barbecues under the noontime sun. There were lots of kids, families and guys playing catch. It was a fun, easygoing atmosphere, like Milwaukee itself. Of course, the beer was flowing.
Bonnie Johnson works behind the counter at Miller Park's Brat Express, selling tasty brats and chorizo for $4.25.
"I tell ya, that Chorizo is always doggin' it," she said. "He's an underachiever."
Seems like everyone has their favorite racing sausage, and kids really get into rooting theirs on.
"I like the Hot Dog -- he's the underdog," said local 9-year-old fan Justin Meyer.
"I like the new one. He's Mexican," said Evan Loker, 10, from Madison.
Adults get into it, too.
"Which one is No. 3? The Italian? Guido. Yeah, I like him," said Cindy Brandenburg from Wausau. "We have a stuffed Guido in our RV."
When asked about the famous sausages, even venerable Brewers announcer Bob Uecker had an opinion.
"I eat them," Uecker said with a laugh.
Over the years, there have been some memorable Racing Sausages moments -- perhaps none as memorable as the infamous "Randall Simon Incident" on July 9, 2003.
Then-Pittsburgh Pirates first baseman Randall Simon playfully bopped Italian Sausage with a bat as she ran by, causing the top-heavy figure to fall over. Simon was arrested for disorderly conduct and suspended from baseball for three games. He was booed every time he returned to Milwaukee.
Thankfully, no one took a swing at me during my stint as Frank the Hot Dog.
That night, Brewers and Twins fans were treated to a spirited ball game. The Brewers gallantly tied the game in the ninth on Russell Branyan's two out, two strike home run, and the place went wild. But the Twins broke through and scored five runs in the 12th.
As for me, my thighs were burning, my joy and shame balanced. They say that every dog has his day, and this was not mine.
It was time to follow the Milwaukee locals and find a fresh, cold beer. This sausage had left the building.
Bob Ecker is a Napa, Calif.-based free-lance writer.