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Point It Out

Jim Karas with personal training client Hugh Jackman

Jim Karas with personal training client Hugh Jackman

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Updated: October 21, 2012 1:22PM

About a year ago, one of my most beloved staff members died suddenly. John was a true character, and those of you who knew him or of him will agree, but his passion for excellence and commitment to his clients was truly remarkable.

At his memorial service, many of us learned that John had a points system and we ALL were rated — clients, fellow trainers and yours truly. I have to say we were a little shocked, but at the same time, intrigued.

Here’s how it worked: You would receive a point for arriving at your training session on time, but unfortunately would lose a point if you had a bad attitude. You would receive a point if you hit your monthly weight goal, but lose a point if you celebrated with a 27-ounce porterhouse steak.

I was just thinking about the point system the other day while lifting weights (that’s when I get my best ideas — it must be a combination of the oxygen going to my brain, the adrenaline and the concentration) when a split screen of Mitt Romney and President Barack Obama popped on the TV. “Hmmm,” I wondered, how would the boys do on John’s point system? So, I’ve decided to put them to the test.

According to information gathered on the web, Obama is 6-foot-1, 181 pounds. Romney is 6-foot-2, 197 pounds. Both possess 34-inch waists, so I would give them each a point.

Both of them exercise (another point) — Romney on the elliptical, and Obama plays basketball, but neither of them lifts weights. You know how I know neither of them lifts weights? By the size and shape of their, um, “Kim Kardashian.” Yep, I’m rating the candidates’ butts. I’m going to go so far as to say that it may determine the winner. Look, it’s not new information, but women will decide this election. Therefore, he with the better booty may be crowned the winner.

I took the time to ask a few friends and clients what they thought of the gentlemen’s respective “tight ends.” Here are two of my favorite comments:

“OMG, what was up with those ‘daddy’ jeans Obama wore to throw out the first pitch? Bad. Michelle, don’t let your man go out looking like that.” Result — point deduction.

“Mitt’s [rear] has no shape, no size, kinda nothing, flat, possibly flabby.” Result — also a point deduction.

So, they are in a dead heat. I don’t mean to brag, but my clients sport some of the best butts in this city. FYI, Hugh Jackman has been a client for almost 10 years and I ask you: Doesn’t that boy know how to rock a pair of jeans?

Jim Karas donated his fee for writing this column to Northwestern Integrative Medicine.

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