Brotha Fred Speaks Up
By BROTHA FRED Daily Splash columnist September 10, 2012 9:54PM
103.5 KISS-FM’s Angie Taylor and Brotha Fred
Updated: October 12, 2012 6:01AM
It’s time for me to make a public confession: I am a straight male who reads chick magazines.
As with many ways I spend my time, I “say” that my perusal of said periodicals — and viewing of “Housewives” and “Bachelor/ette/Pad” type TV shows (while we are being honest with one another) — is part of my job, as our radio show primarily targets females. Truth be told, however, I find most content intended for women highly entertaining and even enlightening — especially the advice that women give other women.
Women, in fact, speak their own language, and have pdf versions of “The Women’s Operating Handbook” on their Kindles and iPads in a font that only women can read. Plus, women’s magazines perpetuate all kinds of fallacies. Here, I will attempt to debunk the most damaging ones.
If he doesn’t call you nonstop, he still may be into you. We have all been made aware of the three-day rule, and the Wednesday rule, and the weekend rule … and of course the after-midnight rule. If a man calls too much, he believes (and may have learned through experience) that he will appear too available (and that isn’t appealing to women). If he calls too little, most women believe he isn’t interested. So then if we call just the right amount of times (the mathematical equation is found in the Operating Handbook I mentioned earlier), we might be okay.
Not all men want to act like a jerk to get/keep your attention. I can absolutely guarantee you that the times where I have either been rude or elusive (whether because I was busy/unsure/on another date/watching “Golden Girls” on a Friday night at home alone), I have generated more interest from women. There is a fine line with most women between a man being attentive enough to hold your interest and enough of a jerk to … hold your interest. But when a guy really likes you but thinks he has to be distant or mysterious to keep you around, he won’t play that game. (Frankly, most of us are too lazy.)
A man may NOT demonstrate his genuine level of interest by moving heaven and Earth to be with you. I hear that all the time: “If he REALLY wants you, he’ll do anything.” It all boils down to the same common element — perception. I say it is more about looking at the way you are presenting yourself and the expectations and limitations that you believe are actually important, as opposed to what everyone else tells you.
Bottom line: Dating and interacting with the opposite sex is a dance — a well-coordinated effort between both parties (and one that I can appreciate but can only attempt while drunk). I think it is fair to say that both men and women like the chase, and it is scientifically proven that we all appreciate something more if we feel we earned it (and I quote science loosely).
But between the facades and rules and games, are you putting yourself in a place for a guy to really get it right? Because I think we all know that if you’re looking for a man to screw it up, he probably will. And if you’re expecting most men to “move mountains” for you but you’re the woman who wants the guy to call (but not too much), and wants him to be edgy (but not too much), and wants him to have work and friends and hobbies and passions and puppies and a squeaky-clean Facebook profile (but not too much of that stuff, either) … well, you should grab that dude.
But Google him first — he may have been on “Dateline” or “Maury” or something.
Brotha Fred donated his fee for writing this column to PAWS Chicago and the Medical Research Junior Board Foundation of Lurie’s Children’s Hospital.