The young and the sexless

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Updated: February 13, 2012 8:21AM

If you’ve been reading the column lately, you might think that every husband in America has been doing without. I’ve been getting letters from men who say their wives refuse to have sex. These guys say they sat out the eight years of the Bush administration, and things haven’t gotten better under a Democratic president.

Today, we hear from Chrissy, who says she can’t get her boyfriend to pull the trigger.

Chrissy and Christopher met at work. They’re both called “Chris,” and there were several mix-ups where office mail and memos went to the wrong one. It was inevitable that they would get to know each other, first as colleagues then as friends.

It was as friends that Chris confided to Chrissy that he was a virgin. He was in his mid-30s, so he wasn’t up for a starring role in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” yet, but it was pretty unusual to Chrissy. She’d lost her virginity her senior year of high school along with most of her friends.

To them, virginity was something to get past so they could get on with the real stuff of life. They weren’t saving it. They were giving it away.

Chris saw virginity as something very different. To him, it was sacred. It was something to be saved so it could be shared with one special person at the perfect time, in the perfect place. As friends, Chrissy and Chris discussed this often.

“I didn’t think he was right and I was wrong or I was right and he was wrong,” says Chrissy. “I just saw us as two people with very different views.

And that was fine until Chrissy and Chris became romantic partners. Chrissy was Chris’ first real girlfriend. They dated, and there was some hugging and kissing but no sex. And then they decided to move in together.

“I just assumed that I was the special person that Chris was saving his virginity for and that our very own apartment was the perfect place, and the sooner the better was the perfect time.”

It hasn’t worked out that way. It’s three months later and Chrissy and Chris are still living together, but only because she hasn’t found an apartment yet. “We barely kiss or hug or even hold hands.

“After a month, I told him either we have a physical relationship — including sex — or I would move out. We made an actual date! I bought a beautiful nightgown, a good bottle of wine, candles. I put on music. He said he had a stomach ache. It was nerves.

“We made another date. This time, I was much more casual. We were sitting on the couch watching TV, and I started stroking his arm and then his neck and back and shoulders. He was so tense I actually felt sorry for him. After a few minutes, I said to him, ‘This isn’t going to work, is it?’ He said, ‘No.’

“I now believe ‘saving it for the right person’ was just a handy excuse. He has deep-seated emotional problems that make him afraid of a physical relationship. He seems content to live like that. I’m not. And if he’s not content, it’s his problem, no longer mine.”

Ladies, are you the one who’s asking for sex? Send your tale to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com.

Creators Syndicate