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How to sum up a relationship

Updated: May 23, 2014 6:50PM

Sometimes you can sum up a relationship in just a sentence or two. Here are some of those sentences . . .

◆ “After my divorce I lost 10 pounds, bought new clothes and had a make-over. A co-worker said, ‘Looks like the property’s back on the market.’ “

◆ “I’m 47 and I asked out this woman who’s 28, 29 years old. She said, ‘Don’t you think I’m too young for you?’ I said, ‘No. But obviously I’m too old for you.’ “

◆ “What happened to the old-fashioned burger, Coke and mini-golf date? I can’t afford to spend $50 every time I ask a woman out.”

◆ “The first few times I went to a singles bar I averted my glance every time somebody caught my eye. All those years of urban living had trained me.”

◆“Regarding most every woman I’ve dated — She just sort of happened. And the smart thing would’ve been to let her happen to somebody else.”

◆ “When I see a good-looking guy, the first thing I do is check out his left hand.”

◆ “The scariest thing is that just before my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I thought we had a great marriage. I would have dared anybody to point to a better one than ours.”

◆“Women think they have a monopoly on broken hearts and histrionics. It’s not true. It’s just that men grieve privately while women let it all spill out.”

◆ “There was only one guy I was ever honest with. He said, ‘Where do I fit in the picture?’ I said, ‘You don’t. You’re not in the negative, you’re not in the developing room. You’re nowhere.’ “

◆ “There have been so many Saturday nights when I’ve looked across the table and thought, ‘I could be home in my pajamas, eating pizza, watching “Scandal” reruns.’”

◆ “I went to a singles’ bar for the first time and the only person I talked to was my neighbor’s husband.”

◆ “I asked a girl to dance at a bar. She was with her girlfriend and said, ‘We want to see who’s here first.’ A half-hour later I saw them dancing together.”

◆ “Every time I open my closet I’m reminded of every guy I ever went out with. There are the hiking boots I bought because of one guy, sweat shirts I got for another and the windbreaker I needed for a third. I have a Mr. Coffee and I don’t even drink coffee.”

◆ “When I see women picking up men’s suits at the cleaners, I get jealous.”

◆ “First she told me she liked a take-charge guy. Then last week she sent me a text calling me a control freak.”

◆ “I went up to a girl at a bar and asked her to dance. She said no. I said, ‘Oh, being picky? I wasn’t.’ “

◆ “I feel like the other woman in my husband’s life.”

◆ “The day my husband left me, I discovered he took my sun tan beige makeup with him.”

◆ “Every time I fall in love I lose 5 pounds. And every time a relationship ends, I gain 10.”

How would you sum up relationships in a sentence or two? Send your reply, along with your questions, problems and rants to And check out my new ebook, “Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front.”


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