A teacher only dates on weekends when he doesn’t have his kids
By Cheryl Lavin September 18, 2013 5:26PM
Many of you had concerns about Greg, the 43-year-old teacher with custody of his kids. He only dates every other weekend when his kids are with their mother. He’s getting serious about Joy and you had reservations.
Greg is here to respond . . .
“I’m well aware of the many signs I should look for when dating a woman. I spent many hours on a couch with a therapist discussing why my first marriage went bad and how to avoid those mistakes again. I’m much more experienced and confident now that I’ve survived my divorce and made those post-divorce mistakes.
“It’s true things with Joy had to move slowly because of my kids. Some of the readers suggested I get sitters and see Joy more often. I hire sitters when I have to and I’ve done it a few times so I could go out with Joy.
“The week it is all about getting the kids to school, packing lunches, getting homework finished, navigating one to dance and the other to soccer across town, making dinner, making sure they brush and floss, and trying to squeeze in a workout for myself in the garage.
“But the weekends are special. They’re when I get to really be ‘Dad.’ I like to do things that are fun and adventurous with the kids.
“The way I look at it, from this point forward, I only get them for half of their childhood weekends and I need to make those count. Now that Joy has gotten to know my kids she often comes with us on adventures. She’s come over quite a few times for dinner, games, and movies on the weekends. However, none of that happened until I was certain that there might a good chance at a future.
“I’ve known Joy for over a decade. I had her grown son in my class ten years earlier. That will tell you so much about a person, and we have many mutual friends. I’m pretty comfortable with what I have gotten myself into here.
“About the lack of sex on a consistent basis . . . really? I’ve learned that if you’re interested in a real relationship with true emotional intimacy, then slowing down with sex is the way to go.
“I’ve learned that things get too emotionally confusing when sex occurs early on in a relationship. Sex clouds your judgment. It can bond two people who don’t have any business being bonded. That leads to a nasty breakup.
“With Joy, dating every other weekend forced things to go slowly. It forced us to learn about each other, to feel safe, and to become really good friends before we became sexually intimate.
“Finally, I’m not in a hurry to get married and neither is she. So many people rush into marriage because they think it’s going to fill some hole in their lives or help with some insecurity. Joy doesn’t need to be taken care of and neither do I. If we marry it will be because both of us feel it’s right. I’m in a place right now that I know I want her in my life and I think I want her in the rest of my life, but I’m not going to push it, there’s no rush. And, going slowly hasn’t failed me thus far so why should I speed it up?”
Did you rush into a relationship? How did that working for you? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to firstname.lastname@example.org. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.