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She thinks success is thwarting search for love

Updated: September 5, 2013 4:33PM



Dear Cheryl: I’m a single woman, never married, 36. I’d love to meet my soul mate and marry. I haven’t felt this way all my life. In my 20s and early 30s, I was busy completing my education and starting my career. Now that my education is finished and my career is well on its way, I’m ready to settle down.

The problem is I intimidate men. I’m better educated, far more successful and make much more money than most men my age and even older. When I tell them where I went to school and what I do, they back away.

I’ve asked my two brothers what’s going on and they tell me that most men want to be more successful, better educated and richer than the women they date and marry. Where does that leave me?

I suppose I could play the dumb bunny, but that really isn’t me. I don’t think I could pull it off. It’s not like I walk around wearing my Harvard sweatshirt, but my alma mater does tend to come up rather quickly when I meet a new man.

Where do I go to meet men who are okay with being with a woman who’s at least as well-educated and successful as they are and maybe more so?

I CAN’T HELP IT IF I’M SUCCESSUL

Dear ICHIIIS: I’m curious as to why your alma mater comes up “rather quickly” when you meet a man. Frankly, I can’t remember the last time anyone asked me where I went to school. And I never ask that question unless there’s a very good reason. After a certain age, it’s simply irrelevant.

Are you sure you’re not bragging about your academic accomplishments? If that’s the case, then it’s the bragging that’s the turn-off, not the accomplishments. And if you’re bragging about your alma mater, are you also bragging about your successful career and your salary? Is that the issue?

Let’s face it — it’s hard to find the one person you want to settle down with. And that’s true for everyone, whether they went to Harvard or dropped out of high school. You may be blaming everything on your success. Other women think it’s because they’re too tall or too short or too old or too fat or have too many kids. Men think it’s because they’re too bald or too fat or too old or too poor. The bottom line is it’s just hard to meet someone to spend the rest of your life with. You have to be lucky.

And, when it comes to meeting potential partners, you can help your luck along by getting out, going to the places you enjoy, doing the things you like to do. Join clubs that interest you. Attend lectures and seminars. The more people you meet, the more likely it is that you’ll meet the right one.

And, by the way, I have to disagree with your brothers. Of course there are some guys who won’t date a woman unless she’s younger, shorter, and less successful. But there are men who are more enlightened and don’t really care. Those are the ones you’re looking for.

And, while you’re at it, easyay on the arvardhay.

Got a problem? Or a question? Send it to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com. Check out my new website askcheryl.net.



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