Life worsens for wife of child abuser
CHERYL LAVIN July 19, 2013 4:30PM
Updated: September 5, 2013 4:33PM
Holly wrote in several months ago, saying, “I always thought I’d be writing to you about my love and my relationship with my husband, but he ruined my life.”
Holly’s husband Justin had been sexually abusing her daughters, who were 6 and 3 when they married.
“They loved him and he adored them. He was very attentive to them and very protective.”
Holly found out when her 18-year-old daughter Chloe confessed that Justin had been molesting her since she was 16. She didn’t tell Holly for two years. “I don’t think she trusted me enough to do something. I think she thought I would choose him over her.”
After Chloe came forward, Holly’s younger daughter, Jasmine, recounted incidents that had taken place with her. Holly and the girls went to the police, and Justin was arrested.
“He’s admitted some of the molestation, but not all,” Holly wrote back then. “He’s living with his mother. We’re still married, but in name only. I have to consult a lawyer. My life has changed to the point where I no longer remember what happiness was. I have good days and I have bad days. I’m lonely because it was always him and me against the world.”
Holly is back.
“I would like to think that we’re doing as well as could be expected, but that’s not the case. In the beginning, we all actively attended therapy. Today, Jasmine and I still attend. Chloe refuses. She has moved out of my house and in with her biological father and stepmother. She keeps reminding me that I failed her her entire life. She holds a grudge against me for everything.
“I’m no longer the semi-organized person I was. I pay the bills and keep food in the house, but I can’t focus and have a hard time meeting deadlines. Things are hard, and just when I think they can’t get any worse they do. I gave the family laptop to Chloe to take to college. She found several viruses on it that were ultimately tied to child pornography. The laptop was turned over to the police, who then turned it over to the State’s Attorney’s office. Justin was arrested again. He’s been charged with three counts of criminal sexual assault and 14 counts of criminal sexual abuse.
“Justin’s entire extended family has turned their backs on us. We loved them and now they don’t want to know us anymore.
“As I write this, all I have to my name is $3.20 in my checkbook and an ashtray full of change. My credit cards are maxed out. I have filed for divorce, but he’s contesting everything. I am beat, tired and don’t know how much more I can take.”
Have your children been molested by your boyfriend or husband? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants, to
firstname.lastname@example.org. And check out my website at askcheryl.net.