Updated: July 19, 2013 3:26PM
Drake and his wife Cindy had been married for a year when they decided it was time to have kids. After trying for six months, Cindy, who’s a nurse, suggested they see a fertility doctor. Before they could get in, she was diagnosed with lupus, an autoimmune disease that can affect many different parts of the body.
“We were a little worried about how the disease would affect her if we had kids. I had previously dated a woman whose mother had lupus, and she got sick after having four kids. So we were a little nervous about our appointment with the fertility doctor.”
After going through all the tests, the doctor told them Drake wasn’t able to father children.
“That was a rough time in our marriage. All of our friends were getting pregnant. We lived in an apartment then, and my brother and his wife lived across the hall and our best friends lived upstairs. They all got pregnant at the same time. It drove my wife crazy because she really wanted a baby.”
Cindy was so upset that she didn’t want to visit their nephew at the hospital when he was born. Drake convinced her to go. The birth of their best friend’s daughter was also difficult for Cindy, maybe more because she and Drake were the godparents.
“Like I said, it was a tough time.”
Then a year later, “out of the blue,” Drake and Cindy got a phone call from Cindy’s aunt, whom she hadn’t spoken to in years.
The aunt said that her daughter was going to be put in foster care and she wanted the girl to stay with them before she was put in the system. The girl was 8.
“Well, she came to stay with us and never left. We became her foster parents and then, after three years and a lot of court appearances, we finally adopted her.”
Drake and Cindy loved their adopted daughter, but their desire for a baby never went away. “We had always wanted another kid, but we didn’t want to go through what we had gone through before with a long court battle. So we went along with our life.”
And then, six and a half years ago, they got another call, again out of the blue. A young family member of Drake’s was pregnant and was going to put the baby up for adoption.
“We jumped at the chance to have a baby of our own. Our son has been a blessing in our life.”
Drake and Cindy have been married for 17 years. Their daughter is 22 and graduating from Illinois State University in three weeks. Their 6-year-old son is in first grade.
“Our children have filled a huge hole in our lives. They’ve helped heal my wife and me from the despair that we felt when we found out that we couldn’t have children. The Good Lord works in mysterious ways and he has truly blessed us and shown us favor.”
What effect have adopted children, foster children or biological children had on your relationship? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants, to firstname.lastname@example.org.