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Time for the Plan B

Updated: May 5, 2013 1:52PM



We recently heard from Just Trying To Provide, who was married 13 years when his wife took their kids and left. She rented an apartment for them and the home daycare center she runs.

JTTP said the biggest problem in their marriage had been the way she handled their finances. She would lend money to relatives and not tell him, putting them in a financial bind.

He wants his family back. He’s seen a counselor, but his wife refuses to go. He says the two people with any influence on her are her pastor and her mother.

I told him to try one more time to get his wife to go to counseling with him, for the sake of the kids if nothing else.

If she still refused, I suggested he talk to her pastor and her mother for some guidance as to what’s really going on. I wrote, “Wives don’t move out without a pretty good reason, like another man.”

If none of that worked, I said he should insist that they talk. “There are lots of issues that have to be resolved, mainly about the children and finances, and she can’t simply run away.”

JTTP is back to say he’s “at a loss because I took the steps you suggested and nothing worked.”

JTTP says he had been consulting with a third pastor, not hers or his. “I went to see him several times about my wife and her spending. On the last visit with him, she came, too. We had a problem with her spending $6,000 and not having anything to show for it. When I asked, she said she gave the money to the church because she felt there were spirits in our home that were affecting the family.

“I mentioned this to her pastor, and he said he never received that amount from her, and he would ask her about it. But when she and I went to see him, the meeting only focused on the fight we had and not all the other issues, like the money.

“I also found out from my pastor that her pastor was the one who told her to move out and get a divorce if that was what she wanted.

“Her mother is another long story. Basically, the two people in her life, her pastor and her mother, are no help at all. I feel that as long as she’s contributing to her church, her pastor will side with her.

By the way, my wife also met with my pastor one time, but she didn’t like the answers he gave her, so she refused to meet with him again.

Dear JTTP: It’s time to consult a lawyer.

It sounds like your wife is under the influence of some very shady characters who have made her think she needs an exorcism to get rid of evil spirits. She may be unbalanced.

You need to protect yourself and your children and the children in your wife’s care.

And a reader pointed out that home-based daycare providers don’t usually just move their business. There are licenses involved, inspections, registration, background checks, etc.

You need to get on top of this situation before it gets even worse than it is. Good luck and stay in touch.

Got a problem? Or a question? Send it to cheryllavinrapp @gmail.com. Check out my new website, askcheryl.net.



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