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When you’re in love, the old rules don’t apply

Updated: July 19, 2013 3:26PM



Today’s column reminds me of a story I heard a while back — maybe 12 years ago or so. It happened at a wedding reception. The maid of honor ended her toast with, “Here’s to JDate!”

The bride was humiliated. She had confided that particular detail to only her closest friends. In fact, she had created an entirely different scenario, something about it was raining, and he had an umbrella, and they ducked into Starbucks ...

In other words, there was a time when using an online dating site branded you as a loser. Today, everyone’s online, from your grandmother to your pastor, looking for love in the most obvious place. And that’s not the only thing that has changed when it comes to relationships.

ALICIA: Some 43 years later, this seems funny, but keep in mind that there was a different mindset in the ’60s. My cousin said that her husband said that men didn’t like women bosses. At the time, I had a staff of seven that I supervised in an office.

When I met the man I married, I was ashamed to tell him what I did for a living. I waited till our fourth date to tell him and guess what? He didn’t care!

KAREN: I met Scott 27 years ago. I was 42 and had already had multiple sclerosis for 13 years. We were both divorced and had been single for awhile. We were both ready for a real relationship and we got serious very quickly.

One night we were having a conversation about our future. He told me that his first marriage had been full of lies and he wanted our relationship to be different. He told me he wanted me to know that he had cheated on his wife and regretted it. He said he was older and wiser and would never do it again.

He asked me if I had any secrets. I swallowed hard and told him about MS. I told him I could end up in wheelchair but that most people with MS remained mobile. He took it all in and didn’t say much.

When I told my mother, she was horrified. She said I never should have told him.

A month later, I had a relapse and wound up in the hospital. I was so glad that I had told him. He wasn’t blindsided.

We’ll be married 25 years on Dec. 24, and I am in a wheelchair: a power chair at home and, when we travel, a manual chair that he happily pushes.

CHARLIE: I met my wife online 16 years ago. We’ll be married 14 years in July.

This was before Facebook and all the online dating sites and other social media. We met in an AOL chat room called Chicago Burbs. No one was chatting with her so I jumped in.

I was actually a regular in the room. Back then all I did to check on women was to read their profiles and look at their birthdates. There wasn’t even Google.

Well, we IM’ed, and here we are 13 years, 7 months and 1 day later. Not that I’m counting.

How did you meet your partner? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants, to cheryllavinrapp @gmail.com.



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