Single mom refuses parents' help
Couple seldom sees grandson since fight
DEAR CHERYL: My husband and I have taken care of my daughter's son since he was born. We love him, and he adores us. He's now 3. We put him in classes, took him to the park and to carnivals, and made sure he played with other children. But we had a falling-out with her, and now she only lets us see the boy one day a week.
My daughter goes to work early and sometimes doesn't get home till 7 p.m. She's separated from her husband, who's living with his mother. Sometimes my son-in-law watches the boy. I don't know who watches him the rest of the time. I'm so worried about his welfare.
The falling-out started because my daughter wanted me to get up at 6 a.m. every day. My husband said, "Why should your mother get up while your husband sits at his mother's house and sleeps and does whatever he wants?" All we wanted was for the father to watch his son in the early morning and then drop him at our house at 10 a.m.
My daughter is going to divorce her husband. He lies and hasn't worked in a year. Because of him, she's had to declare bankruptcy and her house is being foreclosed on. She hates him, but she hates me more at this point. Her husband also hates me and wants to keep the boy away.
My daughter says she's going to put the boy in day care and not let us watch him at all. She thinks day care would be better for him. Do you agree? I would have put him in classes and then preschool.
This is all a mess.
LOST WITHOUT MY SUNSHINE
DEAR LWMS: If ever there was a problem that needed a mediator, this is it. The very best solution, if all the parties would agree, is for you and your husband, your daughter and her husband, and your son-in-law's mother to sit down with a trained family mediator and work out what's best for the boy. That's really all that matters.
If that's not possible, the next best thing is for you to go to your daughter and talk to her, just the two of you. She's going through an incredibly difficult time right now and feels -- rightly or wrongly -- that you let her down, and she wants to punish you.
Let her know that you want to be there for her and her son. As a single mother, she's going to need all the resources she can find.
Keep the conversation positive and focused on the future. This is no time for name-calling or bringing up the past. Keep the emphasis on problem-solving: How do we make sure this little boy is cared for in the most loving, least disruptive way?
Good luck, and please stay in touch.
According to an economics professor at the University of Chicago, a prostitute in the Windy City is more likely to have sex with a cop than be arrested by one. Steven Levitt, co-author of Superfreakonomics, says one in every 30 tricks is a freebie to an on-duty police officer to avoid arrest.
Makes you wonder who the boys in blue are protecting. And who's being serviced!
So, any cops out there? Spouses of cops? Prostitutes? Is Steven Levitt right?
Lavin blogs at www.talesfromthefront.com. Distributed by Creators Syndicate.