Updated: July 19, 2013 3:26PM
Dear Cheryl: My wife and I have been married for 13 years. Our biggest problem is the way she handles our finances. She’s very kind-hearted and would help family members in need and not tell me. I’ve helped family members also, but never to the point where it interfered with my family’s well-being.
My wife, on the other hand, would constantly put us in financial jeopardy. Then, last June, she stopped talking to me. She said it was because I was never home. I was never home because I was working so hard to make ends meet.
One night we had a fight. After that, I noticed her looking for an apartment for herself and the home-based daycare center she operates. I also noticed her talking to a neighbor.
I’ve been told this person has been spreading rumors about me sleeping with the neighborhood floozy, which is a total lie.
To make a long story short, my wife has moved out and taken the kids. She says she had to do it for her mental health. I’ve been to see a counselor and tried to get her to go with me, but she refused.
I still love her and want to be reunited with my family. But her pastor and her mother play a bigger role in her life than I do. What should I do? —Just Trying to Provide
Dear JTTP: Try one more time to get your wife to go to counseling with you. Remind her that she owes that much to your children.
If she still refuses, make an appointment with her pastor. Ask him for some guidance. He may know what’s really going on. Wives don’t move out without a pretty good reason — like another man.
I’d also visit her mother. What insights does she have as to why her daughter left?
Finally, tell your wife that even if she’s not coming back, you two need to talk. There are lots of issues that have to be resolved, mainly about the children and finances, and she can’t simply run away. Good luck and stay in touch.
Dear Cheryl: I am a 30-year-old single female. People compliment me on how much I look like a Latina actress. Guys always say I’m a great person, loving and caring.
I’m not shallow. I’ve dated short guys, tall guys, older guys, younger guys, good-looking guys and not-so-good-looking guys, but I haven’t had the greatest luck. I always get dumped, cheated on and/or lied to. Maybe I’m too nice. Guys always break up with the same line: “You’re a great person, and you deserve better!”
It seems like guys don’t know what they want.
Dear WG: I get it. It’s frustrating. You’re ready to settle down, and you haven’t found the right guy to do it with. You will, but until you do, make your life as full and as rich as possible.
Develop your interests, work on your career, travel. Maintain your appearance and your loving, caring attitude. At the same time, develop a really thick skin and humor so that rejection doesn’t overwhelm you and you can enjoy the absurdity of life.
Know in your soul that you’ll meet and marry a great guy one day, and until then, enjoy the freedom of single life.
Got a problem or a question? Send it to cheryllavinrapp @gmail.com. Check out my website, askcheryl.net.