Where have all the boyfriends gone?
She's shy at 19, fears being single forever
DEAR CHERYL: I'm 19 and a sophomore in college. I've never had a boyfriend even though I'm smart, attractive and interested in lots of things. When I go to parties, guys always ask me to dance, so it's not my looks.
I joined some clubs, in part to meet guys, but I usually end up sitting in the back because no one approaches me. Once people get to know me, they often tell me I have a great personality, but it takes me a long time to open up. I've always been shy. I can usually make a few general comments, but I don't know how to continue the conversation.
I know being single shouldn't bother me, especially when everything else in my life is going well, but I hear about all my friends from high school getting boyfriends. I'm starting to worry that no one will ever ask me out, and I'll be single my entire life.
Our school has an online dating site that I'm tempted to join, but what I'm really looking for is a way to meet guys at college. I'm starting to think there's something really wrong with me.
SINGLE FOREVER?
DEAR SINGLE FOREVER: Not!
I'm happy to put this in writing: You will not be single forever!
OK, now that we've got that out of the way, let's get you some dates.
First, you have to be comfortable talking to boys. You're at a club meeting. Perfect! It's a French club or a Young Republicans club or a Save the Whales club. You share a mutual interest with every guy there.
Pick one guy who's off by himself, and ask him a question about the topic. Listen to what he says (really listen!) and ask him another question based on his answer. And then another and another. Keep going. Make comments.
If the conversation doesn't go anywhere, start another one with another guy. Keep doing it. I know it's hard, but so is being lonely.
Once you feel comfortable talking to guys, it's time to start flirting. I just Googled "How to Flirt" and got 7,888,000 hits in 0.12 seconds. Flirting is a skill. You can learn it.
Dates will come naturally once you've mastered talking and flirting. And don't forget, this is the 21st century. It's perfectly OK to say to a guy, "We should get together some time."
Good luck, and stay in touch!
DEAR CHERYL: I cut out an article you wrote a few years ago about Frances and Jerry, two people who fell in love, then separated, then fell in love again. They were both married to other people. Can you tell me what happened to them?
I'm interested because I fell in love 50 years ago, when I was 13 and he was 12. We were going to get married, but we went to different colleges and then married other people. Eventually I divorced.
He's still married, but we've had an affair for the last 20 years. I see him once every three months -- we talk two or three times a week.
I've tried to end it, but it doesn't last. He always contacts me. I hate that he won't leave his wife, but I understand that he doesn't want to leave his family. I wish I were stronger.
Anyway, I'm just wondering about Frances and Jerry.
IN THE SAME BOAT
DEAR IN THE SAME BOAT: Frances and Jerry, if you're out there, is your affair still going on?
Lavin blogs at www.talesfromthefront.com. Distributed by Creators Syndicate.