Updated: February 20, 2013 11:31AM
The Internet is the greatest thing that ever happened to dating. How else are adults supposed to meet?
But — and it’s a big, stinky but — you’re probably going to meet a lot of weirdos before you meet the one.
MICK: After a few weeks of texting and chatting online, I finally had a chance to meet Wendy. She was a busy executive who traveled often for work. I agreed to meet her at the visitor area at O’Hare Airport.
She had her driver pick us up. We hit it off right away and made plans for dinner. I figured the only reason she was single was her crazy travel schedule. Her driver dropped us off at her place so she could drop off her bags and change her clothes.
We went to a restaurant she selected near her home. We laughed a lot during dinner and played a cute game where she would point out a woman and say she was checking me out, and I would do the same. But, when I pointed out one particular guy, her face turned pale.
She said, “Let’s leave.”
I asked, “Why?”
She said, “He’s my ex-boyfriend.”
We left and went back to her place. When we got there, the door was ajar. It was starting to get very weird. I asked her if we should call the police. She said no. Then her home phone rang and she got into a very animated, almost hysterical conversation.
It was her ex, and he said he was nearby. They had just broken up — like the week before — and he still had a key to her apartment and had entered the apartment as soon as we had left.
I waited around a bit to make sure things were calm before I left. Needless to say, this was our first and last date. But a few weeks later, I called to check up on her. She was back with her ex and they were living together.
I made a note to myself to find out how long a woman had been out of a relationship before I made a date with her.
DAVID: We exchanged emails for a week before we arranged to meet in person. She was very attractive, and we had instant chemistry. It was all we could do to finish our dinner without getting thrown out of the restaurant, if you get my drift.
We went back to her apartment and started to get cozy. She led me into the bedroom, which looked like something out of a brothel. At least the way I imagine a brothel would look.
She opened the top drawer in her nightstand, and there was a variety of sex toys in every color, size and shape. All I could think was how many other guys had seen this treasure chest. I told her it had been fun, but I had to be going. I never contacted her again.
MARTY: I made a date to meet a woman for lunch. She kept implying she was really, really hungry. She drove and picked me up. I got in her car. It was full, and I mean full, of fast food wrappers; some even had food still in them. White Castle, Burger King, McDonald’s. The car was filthy and had a few fruit flies buzzing around. The date was cut short. I never called her again.
Have you met some real weirdos over the Internet? Send your tale to cheryllavin firstname.lastname@example.org.