Updated: February 20, 2013 11:31AM
We recently met Ethan, his ex-wife Darva, and his friend Liza. Ethan didn’t come out of the closet, even to himself, until he was in his 30s and married. After his wife caught him cheating with men, they divorced.
Liza told Ethan the man she’s dating is bisexual. Ethan told her to dump him.
Here’s what you had to say.
JENNA: I have a real problem with Ethan’s advice to Liza to just walk away from the man she’s dating. The man said he was bisexual, and Ethan said acknowledging you’re bi is the first step in coming out. Ethan may be right. The man may be gay and in denial. But then again, chances are much better statistically that he is as he says he is — bisexual.
It doesn’t mean you’re promiscuous, unable to commit, unable to decide, greedy, transitioning between orientations or going to dump your partner for someone of the opposite sex. It means you’re attracted to both men and women. That’s it.
If you’re dating someone who likes short and tall people, and you’re short, you don’t worry that you’re going to be dumped for a tall person because your partner has varied tastes. It’s the same thing if your partner is bisexual.
Would it surprise you to know that, statistically, people who are bisexual are no more likely to cheat than average? If so, you’re not alone. Biphobia and transphobia are somehow still acceptable and rampant. Especially for men. And often, surprisingly, deeply present among the gay community. Ethan’s comment is an example of that.
JUDY: Please let gay people get married! Look at all the angst this denial causes! I have not met one parent who wishes their daughter would marry a gay man, so why not let them marry whom they want? It won’t affect me in any way, shape, or form, any more than the heterosexual marriage of my neighbors affects me.
I have never met one person who remembers “choosing” his or her sexuality. It happens all by itself. If Ethan had been allow to be who he really is, none of this game-playing would have been necessary.
How do you feel about marriage for gays and lesbians? Send your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp @gmail.com. And check out my new website, askcheryl.net.