Are Internet dating sites worth the effort?
By Cheryl Lavin January 23, 2013 3:30PM
Updated: January 28, 2013 5:38PM
If you’ve met your partner through the internet, you probably think it’s the best thing since pita pockets. But, too many people have had experiences like SAM and SELMA.
SAM: I’m a middle-aged man, and I currently subscribe to an online dating service. I have to say that I’m amazed at the delusional nature of the women looking for men.
It’s as if they expect a potential relationship to be like a fairy tale that places them at the center of the universe. Their ideal partner has to audition for the part by simultaneously demonstrating his personal charms while extolling the perfection and irreplaceable nature of the woman he’s wooing.
It’s a mating ritual guaranteed to initially mask any existing emotional scars, and then to inevitably fall apart and reveal those very same scars, as well as create, from the subsequent failed expectations and feelings of betrayal, new ones.
What follows are actual quotes from women’s profiles:
I need to be wined and dined and romanced.
I want constant attention.
I wish to be the center of your world.
Please, just take my breath away!
Arouse my mind with words, tease my appetite with a sensual tango, then satisfy my hunger completely.
I’m just looking for a wonderful guy, one who will want to make love to me all the time — not just sex, who will make me think of him day and night, and who can’t keep me off his mind and can’t wait to be in my arms again.
I need someone who can make me feel young again, who can make me laugh, help me forget.
Needless to say, my search for a sane, emotionally secure, loving partner continues.
SELMA: I tried online dating a couple of years ago with no success.
I’m not open to dating men with children, whether they’re divorced or were never married to the mothers. I have many reasons for this including religion. (I’m Catholic.) I also don’t want the drama or the financial burden. I won’t budge on this. If it’s a choice between being single or marrying a dad, I choose to be single. I’ve stated this in my profiles, but fathers still respond and tell me I’m being picky.
Among the non-fathers who have responded are guys who are just looking for sex and men older than my father. The guys my age — early 40s — are seeking much younger women. The irony is I’m better looking than most of these guys. Many are repulsive
The men I’ve actually met have been a bust, too. They’ve been much older than their photo, much heavier (I’m talking way more 50 pounds from the photo), and, in one case, married.
I never knew it could be this hard to find a man who wants to get married, doesn’t have kids of his own but is open to the possibility of becoming a dad. I strongly prefer never married men, but I’m willing to look at widowers and men whose marriages have been annulled. I can see having trouble if I were judging men based on their height, income or looks, but none of that matters to me at all.
Have you tried Internet dating? How’s that working for you? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to firstname.lastname@example.org. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.