When May-December romances work
By Cheryl Lavin January 9, 2013 5:18PM
Updated: January 11, 2013 10:40AM
When Kim met Noah, she was looking for a relationship. Not a relationship with a younger man, just a relationship. When she found out he was 14 years younger, it wasn’t a turn on.
“Actually,” she says, “He being so much younger was a barrier for me at first. It was 2006, and I wasn’t sure if I could handle the age difference. I apparently decided I could because we got married in 2010.”
The problem about different cultural references (“Paul McCartney? You mean the guy from ‘Wings?’”) wasn’t an issue.
“Noah knows more pop culture references from my time than I do. I’ve always teased him that he’s an old soul.”
And what about looks? No woman wants to look like she’s dating her son.
“I look like a young 50,” says Kim. “That’s the good news. The bad news is that Noah looks like a young 37. So I can’t say that I have that going for me.”
While the age difference doesn’t seem that great now, Kim knows that may change as they both continue to age. After all, AARP has already invited her to join, and in 12 years, she’ll be eligible for Social Security. “I wonder what it will be like when I’m 70, and he’s 54. He claims he’s not concerned.”
Once she gets past their physical ages, Kim says she and Noah have so much in common. “We share the same value system, see the world very similarly and think personal responsibility is the most important trait to have.
We often blurt out the exact same phrase at the exact same time and with same inflection. It still cracks us up and probably makes other people sick of us.
“Neither of us has had this kind of rapport with anyone else in our lives. For all those reasons, and so many more, it seemed like a good reason to take a chance on this relationship.
“The only drawback for me is how hard I have to work to stay at a good weight and maintain my appearance. Those things were important to me before we met, but now they seem really important. I don’t want him to ever be embarrassed to say that I’m his wife.
“As I continue to age, the weight thing, what with fluctuating hormones, seems to be more difficult to manage, but I still work hard at it. I go to the gym five or six days a week and watch my diet. Before we met, I watched my diet but maybe hit the gym only three days a week. It’s not a radical change for me and working out alleviates the stress I have from my job, so really — all good!
“I think any relationship with a 15-year age difference can work if the people truly get each other and understand that one of them is going to hit the next stage in life quite a bit sooner than the other.”
Since Ashton Kutcher filed for divorce from Demi Moore, she’s obviously no longer the poster child for cougars. May I nominate Kim?
Are you and your partner very different in some basic way? Age? Race? Religion? Political affiliation? How’s that working for you? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to email@example.com. And check out my new website askcheryl.net.