Taking yes for an answer
By Cheryl Lavin January 4, 2013 2:58PM
Updated: January 11, 2013 10:40AM
We recently heard from SKEPTICAL, who wondered if he had reason to suspect his wife was cheating or if he was just being paranoid.
His evidence included numerous calls to an old boyfriend whom she claimed she wasn’t in contact with, hundreds of texts to another man and a “platonic” date with a third man that lasted till 3 a.m.
There were also a conveniently lost cell phone and friends who were supposed to back up her story but didn’t actually exist.
In his wife’s defense, SKEPTICAL admits she’s very friendly.
“At times, I’m able to dismiss these incidents as perfectly normal for a woman as outgoing as my wife. Then my logical brain kicks in and tells me she’s cheating on me, and I should no longer trust her.
“I know something has to be done to save my sanity and our marriage. Here’s my question: Do I have valid reasons for my insecurities?”
The obvious answer is YES!
There’s friendly and then there’s lying. There’s friendly and then there’s carrying on long-distance flirtations and having sleepovers. There’s friendly and then there’s cheating and making your partner think he’s imagining things.
Your wife sees you’re in agony, and she lets you suffer. She tries to make you think you’re overreacting when in fact you’re not.
I understand your two goals are saving your marriage and saving your sanity. But you can’t have a real marriage without honesty on her part and trust on yours. You have nothing until she’s ready to acknowledge her lies and apologize for them.
If she does, then it’s up to you to accept her apology or not.
If you do accept her apology, can you trust that she’ll never deceive you again? Is she willing to fundamentally change her behavior? These are the issues you have to confront.
If you have to choose between your sanity and your marriage, I don’t think it’s much of a choice.
Here’s what readers had to say:
Sunny: Your wife is a lying and cheating, and you should kick her out of your house and file for divorce ASAP. She’s playing you for a fool, and you’re letting her get away with it!
Sean: SKEPTICAL is an unduly naive gentleman who has been given every reason to feel distrustful.
Judy: Life is too short to stay in a marriage of lies.
Lynne: SKEPTICAL needs a new name and that would be GULLIBLE. He needs to see a lawyer, get his financial ducks in a row, and leave. His wife is not overly-friendly, she’s cheating and laughing at him for his trusting ways and for buying her excuses. Liars don’t stop lying, and she’s done so repeatedly with skimpy unbelievable explanations. She gives women a bad image.
Linda: He should stop making excuses for her, confront her about his belief that she’s being unfaithful, then decide what to do based on how she responds. If she continues to devalue him and the relationship, he should leave her and get on with his life.
William: SKEPTICAL states: “I know something has to be done to save my sanity and our marriage.” I see the two as mutually exclusive. He needs to save his sanity by showing her the door and soon.
Do you suspect your partner is cheating? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to firstname.lastname@example.org. And check out my new website, Askcheryl.net.