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Kids takes first way out when they feel unloved

Updated: January 11, 2013 6:09AM



Today’s column is a prequel.

Last week we met Melissa who started dating Denny when she was 15, and he was 19. He was trouble from the start. He drank, had anger issues and mood swings. But he told her he loved her and to her, that made it all right. When she turned 16, he got an apartment and moved her out of her parents’ home.

“When my father asked him what he was doing, Denny said I was moving in with him since we were getting married soon. My parents never seemed to care what I did and when my father said OK, it just proved it.”

That got me thinking. What kind of parents allow their 16-year-old daughter to move in with her boyfriend?

I asked Melissa about her family.

“Both of my parents worked. My mother worked the night shift at a minimum wage job and slept during the day. My father worked the day shift.

“I was the fifth of six kids. My two older brothers were living with us with their wives and their four kids in our three-bedroom ranch. We were poor and had little to go around. I will never eat Spam, hash or powdered milk again.

“My parents rarely talked and when they did, it was about money, and it was usually a yelling match. I remember once my father told my mother in front of my younger brother and me that he wanted a divorce. She told him fine but he gets all the kids. That was the last time he ever brought it up.”

Melissa says her mother tried her best, but her father was another story.

“I never felt that he loved me and or wanted me. He rarely talked to me. When he did, it was to yell at me.

“Once when I was in Girl Scouts they had a father-daughter dance and I asked him to go with me. He said, ‘Why?’ and walked away.”

Melissa says her father was different with her siblings. “My older sisters pretty much got what they wanted. My father gave them each a car when they got their license, even though it was a junker. Not me. They could do no wrong. I was always compared to them. They sang in the choir. I couldn’t carry a tune. They got good grades in school. I couldn’t have cared less about it.

“I don’t really remember how my two older brothers were treated. They were both more than 15 years older than me. But my younger brother was the apple of my father’s eye. He went to all his sports games and to parent-teacher night.

“I was always told my father didn’t like me because he wanted a boy. But there were always whispers that I wasn’t his child. I had a DNA test done this past year and I found out I’m not even close to his ethnicity.

“He’s German. My mother is British and Scandinavian, and I’m British, Scandinavian and Southern European — Italy, Spain and Greece.”

Melissa says she can’t remember a time when she felt her parents cared about her. When she was 13, she decided to leave home as soon as she could.

“I know exactly why I married Denny. I wanted out of there. And he was my out.”

Next, how Melissa’s relationship with her parents continued to affect her life.

Did you use marriage as an escape? Send your tale, along with your questions, problems and rants to cheryllavinrapp@gmail.com.

Creators Syndicate



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