Updated: December 23, 2012 6:07AM
You’d think that by their sixth decade, men and women would have found a way to peacefully coexist. Such is not the case. The war of the sexes continues among the AARP Generation.
ARNIE: I’m 61 years old and single. I find women boring. They’re too concerned with finding someone to buy them happiness and a lifestyle to contribute anything of charm or substance to a date.
I’m done trying to find the right woman because the search is so frustrating. So many of the women I’ve dated cannot manage to be even the slightest bit entertaining after I’ve made the decision on the night’s entertainment, paid for the date and done most of the talking.
Being at home with my dog seems like the better alternative every time.
CRAIG: Most everybody I know who’s married is in a miserable, sexless marriage or going through a divorce. It’s as though marriage in itself is pathological. People should just live separately if all they’re going to do is bitch and moan about each other and to each other. My brother told me that in this century — 12 years! — he’s had sex with his wife twice! What an idiot! But he doesn’t want to live alone.
Now, my daughters are the exception. They’re actually happily married. I hope it lasts. One is 25 and the other 21. It helps that they’re stone cold foxes. Their men have no reason to chase other women.
But let’s face it, most people are stuck with leftovers so they’re always looking for something better.
This is true of both men and women. And if you’re over 50, forget about it. Everyone looks like your grandparents, and who wants to see their grandparents naked?
ALLIE: I would like to buy every man over 50 a three-way full-length mirror and make him stand in front of it naked and take a good long look. I’d like him to observe up close his potbelly, love handles, saggy butt, bony knees, droopy shoulders and concave chest.
Maybe then he wouldn’t discuss women in such dismissive tones. Middle-aged and older men think nothing of calling women their age (or even younger!) over the hill while they lust over women younger than their daughters. Men who haven’t seen their feet in decades call women fat just because age and childbearing have rearranged their figures.
My mother always said, “There’s no fool like an old fool.” Boy was she right!
JEANNIE: I look around at all the couples I know and this is what I see: The women work hard to look good. They watch their diet and work out. They dress stylishly, but appropriately. They take classes to stay mentally sharp and current. They have hobbies and interests.
And their husbands? Their wives are lucky if they can get them to shave. They wear ill-fitting jeans that are totally empty in the butt. They refuse to buy new clothes. They hold the same opinions they’ve held since Reagan was president. Nothing new can make it through their thick skulls. They never have an interesting idea.
What’s wrong with men?
What sweeping generalizations about men and women would you like to make? Send them, along with your questions, problems and rants to firstname.lastname@example.org.