Wife won’t let go of her lover
CHERYL LAVIN August 12, 2012 10:06PM
Updated: September 14, 2012 6:14AM
DEAR CHERYL: In January, my wife bought a new iPhone. We downloaded an app that locates the phone if it gets lost. At the same time, she switched her workout location and began working out every night after work and on the weekends.
One night she mentioned that she might have a meeting after her gym class. I was home with the kids cooking dinner. I expected her home around 5:30. By 6, she still wasn’t home, and she hadn’t called to say if she was going to her meeting.
I thought I’d use one of the kids’ phones to locate my wife’s phone to see if she was at her meeting. The phone was nowhere near her gym, her work or her meeting. It was in a secluded parking lot.
After a month of monitoring her phone and other activities, I confronted her. She confessed that she had been sleeping with one of her co-workers since October 2011.
We’re still together and going to therapy. She still sees this guy at work and at the gym. They still work out together. They don’t text each other because his wife found out and monitors his phone. My wife says she still wants him.
I don’t want to lose her because she’s the love of my life. What should I do?
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT
DEAR WLGTDWI: You call your wife the love of your life. What does that mean? She cheated on you. She may still be cheating. What is there to love?
You need to stand up for yourself. While you’re trying to save your marriage, which I assume is the point of therapy, you must demand that your wife stop working out at the gym and — if at all possible — that she get a new job.
Unless she’s willing to do these things, your marriage is over. You may stay together but the marriage is over. If she’s willing to make a clean break with him, you have a chance. Marriages can survive an affair, but both parties have to be willing to work really, really hard.
Your wife may be using therapy as a stalling mechanism while she figures out what she wants. Don’t put your future in her hands. You may be better off seeing a therapist by yourself right now. He or she may help you accept what might be inevitable.
DEAR CHERYL: I have a teenage granddaughter who’s somewhat overweight. She has a pair of pants she wears often that have a large over-all print. She really looks bad in them, especially from the back. They make her look so much larger than she is. How do I tell her without hurting her feelings?
DEAR GRANNY: If you can afford it, tell your granddaughter you want to get her some back-to-school clothes and a wardrobe makeover. Ask her to bring some of her favorite things with her and take her to a store like the Gap or Old Navy at a time when it isn’t busy. Ask one of the salesgirls — they’re usually very well-dressed — to help you pick out some things. Ask the salesgirl for some advice on what is most flattering for your granddaughter.
Let’s hope your granddaughter will take the expert’s advice.
Got a problem? Send it to email@example.com.