Updated: August 6, 2012 6:45AM
With its jokes about dogs chasing cars and a trapeze in the bedroom, David’s profile on match.com sounds like he’s applying for a job as a comedy writer, not looking for a date. So I asked you to help David. Here are your thoughts ...
MICK: David needs to lose the “won’ts and don’ts” in his ad. It is way too negative and judgmental. Just state what you do want and be nice about it. Second, the “time is running out on me” angle stinks of desperation. Desperation is the world’s worst smelling cologne!
ANNE: David sounds like he has a huge inferiority complex. His profile says, “I’m not attractive; I have no money. I’m not good enough and don’t deserve a good relationship, and I wouldn’t know what to do if I attracted one!”
I’ve got news for David: Women are not attracted to this! How can you sell yourself to someone if you don’t believe in what you’re selling?
JOANNA: The profile has too many negatives. Thirty-eight years ago, I’d have said I’d “never date a guy with short hair who wore cowboy boots all the time.” I was a long-haired hippie chick and preferred my guys the same way. Then, a short-haired guy with tight jeans and cowboy boots walked into the singles group and the rest is history. Within a year, I was wearing cowboy boots, occasionally.
GRACE: I wouldn’t waste one single second responding to David. It sounds like the resume of a man who doesn’t want the job. He talks as though he has one foot in the grave. Is he 90 years old? Or has he been diagnosed with a terminal illness? Otherwise, he’s just negative, and negativity breeds negativity, hopelessness and depression. Women go on dates to have fun!
MARCY: He could call himself a big teddy bear because he sounds gentle and he’s tall and a little large. Women love guys who are like teddy bears! He sounds like a good guy, just not a good salesman.
Does your profile need a makeover? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.