Updated: July 15, 2012 2:17PM
A friend told me about the moment he realized there was a downside to dating younger women. (We all know the upside. Unlined faces, firm bodies, no history and little baggage.) It came home to him one day when he was out with a twentysomething and mentioned Woodward and Bernstein.
She asked him if it was a law firm.
That’s when he realized that dating down — agewise — was just too much trouble. There was too much to explain, too much to clarify and too much to teach. In short, it was too exhausting.
“I consider myself somewhat experienced in May-December relationships. In my case, it’s the older man-younger woman situation. It’s not exactly the same as older woman-younger man relationship, but it’s similar. At least the part about fooling ourselves that the differences don’t matter when they do.”
We’ve been having an ongoing conversation with “If the Cougar Fits” who likes younger men but says she isn’t going to have sex with them.
Says David, “If she’s being honest with herself, she’s going to have to admit that she likes younger men for physical reasons. They’re less likely to have a thick midsection, a saggy butt and a flabby belly. They have more hair and less of it is gray. And as a bonus, there are fewer ex-wives and kids to deal with.”
That’s the good news. What’s the bad news?
“She’ll likely find those same young men lacking intellectually. She may be able to ignore it until they embarrass her at a nice dinner or business-related function, in front of her friends or family or co-workers.”
And she will certainly feel the inequality in life experiences. You can’t fault them for it, but they don’t know the kinds of things that only life teaches you.
Dave says she might get tired of explaining for the umpteenth time every reference she makes to a TV show, movie, book or event that happened before her date was born.
“At some point,” says Dave, “she’ll find that she gets tired of overlooking these shortcomings and craves a man more on her own level to whom she can relate. I’ve seen women and men who fool themselves for a long time, pretending they’re into everything their younger partner is interested in. And then one day, there’s a dealbreaker that makes them realize that their priorities are entirely different. For instance, maybe your kid is graduating school. It’s a big deal to you, but your young partner doesn’t see what the big deal is.”
(They may even say “no biggie,” which is totally unacceptable, or “no bigs,” even worse.)
“ITCF may convince herself that sex is not what she’s in it for, but it may be the only thing she really has in common with her young men.”
Have you been in a May-December relationship? How did that work for you? Send your tale to cheryllavinrapp @gmail.com.