Updated: June 15, 2012 8:05AM
DEAR CHERYL: I was lying in bed in a rehabilitation facility after getting my first hip replacement when I was served a summons for divorce. This was after 31 years of marriage. I tried everything I could think of to get her to change her mind, but she refused. I’m so hurt and depressed. I don’t feel like going on.
LOST AND FORGOTTEN
DEAR LOST AND FORGOTTEN: You have to see this for what it is: a blessing in disguise. A woman who would serve a man with divorce papers when he’s recovering from major surgery is not a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Part of your depression is probably related to the surgery and the months of physical therapy that go along with it. Please talk to your doctor about maybe getting on some antidepressants to see you through this, and ask him to recommend a therapist.
And while you’re working on getting your mobility back, use this time to take stock of your life. Figure out what you want to do with the rest of it. Are there places you’ve always dreamed of going? Things you’ve always wanted to do? Make a plan.
You have a new hip. Design a new life to go with it. There’s someone better out there than the cold-hearted she-wolf you were married to.
DEAR CHERYL: What do you do when your adult child is about to make a terrible mistake?
My daughter is 32, never married, and successful in her field. She makes a very good living and has a beautiful condo that she bought herself, a new car and a nice wardrobe. She’s been able to take some very nice trips and has great friends.
She’s a beautiful person on the outside and quite attractive, but she’s never had any confidence in herself when it comes to the opposite sex. She never dated in high school and college and has only had a few dates since school.
About six months ago, she met a widower. He’s 45, works a menial job, lives in an apartment above a garage and has two young sons who have cerebral palsy. My husband and I have met him and are not impressed. His English is poor, his hygiene worse.
Meanwhile, he’s latched onto my daughter like she’s the last train to Clarksville. Who can blame him? She brings dinner to his house several nights a week. He and his kids are eating steaks and lamb chops and ice cream cakes and I’m sure all kinds of other things he can’t afford.
She’s also bought some nice things for his house and toys for the kids. She’s baby-sat for his boys when he’s had to run errands.
And what has he done for her? Nothing. I’m afraid she’s going to marry him out of loneliness and the fear of never finding anyone else. I haven’t told her exactly what I think of this man, but I think she has a pretty good idea. Should I tell her I think she’s making the biggest mistake of her life or just keep my mouth shut?
NOT MY SON-IN-LAW
DEAR NOT MY SON-IN-LAW: There may be another reason your daughter is with this guy. Maybe she loves him and he makes her happy.
Be happy for her.