Most readers go easy on the cougar
BY CHERYL LAVIN firstname.lastname@example.org May 9, 2012 6:38PM
Updated: June 11, 2012 8:15AM
If The Cougar Fits is the 44-year-old who’s getting divorced and interested in dating guys in their 20s. She doesn’t want a serious relationship with them or sex. I gave her my opinion. Here are yours:
LISA: Her husband was controlling and immature, and she thinks she’s going to have better luck with guys in their 20s? Oh, wait, I see! She just wants to go out with these hot young things as an ego boost.
JANET: She deserves credit for being honest and telling them at the outset that she’s not going to have sex, rather than hooking them by flirting and making them think they have a chance. Any young man (or older man for that matter) who would dump her for not sleeping with him is no great loss.
JENA: What’s wrong with simply wanting to date and not get serious? People do that, you know. When I met my husband, I was in my early 30s, and he was 10 years younger. I wasn’t sexually experienced and didn’t sleep around. Neither did he, and we didn’t become intimate until we had fallen in love.
We just had our 19th wedding anniversary. We still have a strong marriage, and we’re still in love. And I don’t think anybody even notices which of us is older.
WANDA: Where’s the harm in enjoying a little ego boost? We all do it. And after a long unfulfilling marriage, it’s very affirming to be told you’re still attractive. I say, go for it!
EDWARD: I dated a lot of women when I was in my 20s, and most of them were close to twice my age. Believe me, I had sex on my mind. And if there was no sex after several months, I didn’t hang around. That’s what you do as a guy in your 20s. You don’t date 40-year-olds to boost their ego, especially if they’re not going to be serious with you. What’s the point? We can hang out as friends in a group setting, but I’m not going to date you if you tell me sex is never going to happen.
PATTY: If you meet someone who treats you with respect and whose company you enjoy, it is definitely OK to date him. Age is just a number. I’ve met very mature twentysomethings and very immature fiftysomethings.
LINDA: Here’s what’s likely to happen: 1) You date one of these hot guys and develop real feelings for him and him for you. Now you have to figure out if you want to stay in the relationship and deal with the “ick factor” that your child is almost certainly going to have when he or she meets your new BF.
2) You date one of these hot guys, and when he realizes that you actually meant it when you said you wouldn’t have sex with him, he disappears.
3) You date one of these hot guys, and then you realize that you really do want to sleep with him. There’s nothing wrong with doing something that feels good and is just for you, but I think that something should be a trip to the Bahamas or learning to hang-glide or splurging on shoes.
Does dating always involve sex? Send your tale to cheryl email@example.com.