In 6th marriage, Molly finds a happy ending
BY CHERYL LAVIN firstname.lastname@example.org May 2, 2012 8:32PM
Updated: June 4, 2012 10:44AM
On Tuesday we met Molly. She’d been sexually abused by her brother and father, had briefly worked as a prostitute and was divorced four times. A nervous breakdown after her last divorce landed her in a psychiatric hospital.
That’s where she says she learned about “abuse, self-esteem and co-dependency” and why she had been gaining weight as a way to cope. “I felt relieved; I was no longer desirable.”
Molly married again, three years later. The marriage lasted 12 years. “Unfortunately, he had demons of his own. He would disappear for days and then would be in trouble with the law. At least he had the decency not to involve me in it.”
Molly started going online for company. She spent years talking to strangers about “politics, current events, and such.” That’s how she met Phil, seven years ago, “my present and most definitely my last husband, the one I always wanted but never had. He knows everything about me — the good, the bad and the ugly. I wanted to make sure I was with someone who would accept me and my past, unconditionally.”
Molly is now 53 years old and “happily married. I have everything I ever wanted. The only downside is my memories of my past. I have nightmares about it, and I need anti-depressants to be able to think about it without having to feel that much. It doesn’t totally erase the pain, but it helps me cope. Before them, I would think of situations that happened ages ago, and I would feel a sense of rage and yell at the top of my lungs, especially if I was alone. Thankfully, I seldom feel the rage anymore. A good day for me is one when I don’t live in the past but only in the present or future.
“While I should blame myself for a lot of my choices, it’s hard to do so because I didn’t set out to become a slut. One thing I learned in the psychiatric hospital is that most people who are labeled ‘sluts’ are simply human beings who were different, were never loved, and who were never taught to love themselves.”
Molly has no contact with any of her family, including her two daughters. “The last thing I ever meant to do was hurt them, but I did. I was too young, too immature, and too emotionally messed up to be able to give them what they needed. Now it’s too late and attempting a relationship would be mutually toxic, the same as with all my other family members.
“They’re both in their mid-30s with families of their own. I’m toxic to them, even if I don’t mean to be, and may God forgive me for saying this, but with their present mindset, they’re toxic to me. We can’t change the past, and I’m simply not strong enough to try again, and I feel that I’ve been punished for way too long and judged way more harshly than I truly deserved.
“I’m in a good place now and around people who truly love me and judge me for the person I am today. I have the life I always wanted.”
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