Can cougar date without doing the deed?
BY CHERYL LAVIN firstname.lastname@example.org April 29, 2012 9:46PM
Updated: June 1, 2012 8:11AM
DEAR CHERYL: I’m in the process of filing for divorce from my husband (he’s controlling and immature), and I’m discovering the girl I used to be. It almost feels like I’m picking up where I left off, at age 25, about to get married.
I’ve recently made friends with some guys. Some have indicated they’d like to be more than friends. The awkward part is I’m 44 (but look 10 years younger) and they’re in their early-to mid-20s! My oldest child is almost 17, so this gives me pause.
I would never bring them home, and I can’t fathom a 21-year-old wanting a serious, long-term relationship with someone old enough to be his mother — and I can’t say that’s what I’d want either — but is it wrong to consider dating them? They’re fun to be with, and sex isn’t going to be in the equation. I made that clear on day one. I didn’t sleep around when I was 20, and I have no intentions of starting now.
But I must admit I find it quite exciting to have a hot young guy tell me he’s very attracted to me.
IF THE COUGAR FITS
DEAR ITCF: I’m curious as to where you’ve found a group of hot young guys who don’t want sex.
You’re deluding yourself if you think they want to date you because they like to cuddle. And you’re fooling yourself if you think being single as a divorced 44-year-old is anything like being single as a never-married 20-year-old.
Date these guys if you want, but don’t kid yourself. You’re going to wind up horizontal.
And, by the way, you think your husband is immature?
DEAR CHERYL: My ex-fiancee and I have broken up after 3 1/2 years of dating and a six-month engagement. She ended it because of her Catholic faith, which I still don’t fully understand.
We’ve both been married before, and we each have our own home. We had decided that we were going to live in my house after we married. I had started remodeling before we met. During our relationship, we both worked on my house as my income allowed. (I’ve been working reduced hours for the past two years.)
After we were engaged, she said she wanted to contribute to the remodeling, so she wouldn’t feel like a renter. She offered to pay for new windows. I refused several times but finally agreed.
Since she’s the one who called off the engagement, and since I never asked her to buy the windows, I’m wondering if I’m expected to reimburse her for them. I don’t feel I owe her anything.
THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY
DEAR THROUGH A GLASS DARKLY: I’m not sure how her Catholic faith and beliefs suddenly became an issue after 3 1/2 years of dating and a six-month engagement. But that’s neither here nor there.
So let’s talk about the windows. You don’t have to reimburse her for them, but as a goodwill gesture, why not give her half of what she paid? You’re probably angry right now — and I don’t blame you — but you’ll get over it, and I don’t think you’ll ever regret being the bigger person.