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10-19-07 Dr. LaurBerman studio......Rich Hein/Sun-Times

10-19-07 Dr. Laura Berman in studio......Rich Hein/Sun-Times

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Updated: May 29, 2014 4:30PM

Sexual pleasure is not created equal. Men and women tend to have different sexual response times, which is why this issue pops up in bedrooms across the world. The average man only needs only 7.5 minutes to become aroused, whereas the average woman might need 20 minutes or more.

Think of it this way: If men are like microwaves, women are more like slow cookers.

Not only do men have physical anatomy that makes their sexual pleasure simpler and more straightforward, but many men actually have trained themselves to reach orgasm quickly (although unintentionally). In their early days of self-exploration and masturbation, teenage boys often try to be as quick and quiet as possible, meaning that they soon condition themselves to be speedy and anxious during the act, rather than in the moment and focused on the pleasure itself. This can complicate sexual pleasure and arousal even decades down the road.

Thankfully, there are many things that men can do to help slow themselves down in the bedroom. One great product is Promescent, an FDA-approved desensitizing spray that can help to tone down the overwhelming sensations of sex and keep your arousal in check. Condoms such as Durex Performax® Intense also are a great idea. Not only do they slow down your sexual response, but they also can speed your partner’s sexual response up as they are designed to intensify the sensations for her.

You also can train yourself to slow down in the bedroom via self-stimulation. Pleasure yourself until you are almost at an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being orgasm), and then stop and bring yourself back down to a calmer state. Do this repeatedly until you gradually become better at controlling your arousal and recognizing your point of no return. You also can use the stop-and-squeeze technique in which you squeeze the base of the penis whenever you need to slow things down a bit and catch your breath. Sex aids such as the Durex Play Dream Sensual Massager are available at your local drugstore can give your partner the added clitoral stimulation she needs to bring her up to your arousal level and ensure that you both receive the sexual pleasure you deserve.

Lastly, remember not to get too caught up in specific numbers and don’t try to last for a predetermined amount of time. It’s not the length of sex that matters, but the quality, and as long as both you and your partner are satisfied, then just enjoy!

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